


Seelenverwandt

by unicornglittercake



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Christmas Party, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, POV Multiple, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Summer, They Are Idiots, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Ups and Downs, Winter, a bit angsty, i have no clue what i'm doing, it can be sad sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:30:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8764249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicornglittercake/pseuds/unicornglittercake
Summary: It's a soulmate AU with my own twist.Hux is 25 and has given up on finding his soulmate.Kylo is haunted by his in his dreams.In life you never meet people without a reason, they're either a blessing or a lesson...





	1. Prolog

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> Instead of finishing my last story first I started writing a new one ;-;  
> English is only my second language so please message me if you find any errors...
> 
> You can message me on unicornglittercake(.)tumblr(.)com.  
> I hope you enjoy the story I wrote while I was supposed to study x.x

It’s been the 23rd of december. Only one day left till christmas eve. A hint of cinnamon in the air. The streets were busy since everyone seemed to be in need of some last-minute presents. The traffic was horrible. Cars sliding on the ice below a thick layer of snow. That’s why he had decided to pick the train. It was clearly the safer option. He stood on platform six with plenty other people. His long coat and scarf failed to save him from freezing. Looking around he thought that one of these strangers  might possibly be the person he stopped looking for a long time ago.

There were a lot of people that looked like they could be twenty- five. That’s all he knew. The only clue he had was a date on his forearm.

When he was still young his mother told him that the numbers on his forearm were the date his soulmate was born written in his or her own unique handwriting. She told him if soulmates found each other they instinctively knew. And once they found their partner they wouldn’t ever part.

 As a child he always dreamed of finding his soulmate. The thought that someone out there belonged to him gave him hope in a world that felt cruel and biased to him. But as he grew older he lost his faith. Nobody he met felt special to him and nobody he met had his date of birth on his forearm.

 Maybe his soulmate lived in annother country or died a long time ago. So he stopped looking for people in crowds or bars. He stopped dreaming of finding his soulmate and sharing a live with someone. For sure he was supposed to be alone on his own. All his friends eventually got lucky. He was the only one left and perhaps that’s just how it was supposed to be.

He heard the train coming closer. People stepping back from the edge oft he plattform. He took his suitcase. It wasn’t heavy. He didn’t need much. Annother glimpse on his ticket. He had to look for wagon 4. Slowly he tried to push through the crowd. He found his wagon and entered the train. The seat was booked on his name. It was in the first-class compartment. Thankfully he was the only passenger in the compartment so far.

 It was quiet only the muffled sounds the train made were heard. He stared out of the window watching how the landscape flew by. It was still snowing outside and for once more he was glad he was inside this train.

The compartment was lined with dark brown wood. It was walnut, _Junglans regia_ he liked the look of it. The seats had red velvet cushions on them and felt extremly soft. A little chistmas ornamend hung on the window slightly moving. He looked around once more. Finally he was able to relax a little bit and he picked up the book he started reading two days ago. The little background noise was soothing. The reality around him started vanishing and all he focused on was the book in front of him. He loved the smell of brand new books.

Maybe that’s why he opened a book store a few years ago. Reading meant everything to him and was an opportunity to escape every day life by living through someone else’s eyes.

In those storys people found their soulmates, travelt the world or fought for what they believed in.

Sometimes he wished that his life was a story that somebody wrote and if he just kept reading the book there will be a happy-end eventually. If life had been a book he would be able to complain to the author that left him misserable for the last few years. But he was the author and if he wanted a change he had to do it on his own, only that he lacked the energy one needed to do so.

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted. A young man entered the compartment. He wore a black jacket and a huge black scarf even his hair was raven black. Looked like he decided to switch Halloween and Christmas.

The snowflakes on his jacket were a nice contrast to his fully black appearance. This man must’ve just entered the train. And really they were at a train station. The man peeled himself out of his jacket and hung it on a hook next to the door. His hands were pale and slightly blue from the freezing cold outside. He tried to rub his hands together to warm them up a little. He looked very pale in gerneral the only colour in his face were his rosy cheeks.

He was extremly quiet which was pleasant. During the whole voyage they sat in silence. One reading his book the other doing rough sketches on a pad. The only noise coming from the train and the pencils scratching on paper. Two strangers on a train and yet they were supposed to meet again. 


	2. Kapitel eins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi here's the first chapter!
> 
> Thanks so much for your support so far!  
> I've been working on this chapter for a long time, always changing stuff because I wasn't satisfied.  
> Now I'm just going to post it bc I feel like all the changes only make it worse...
> 
> I'm a total newbie so if you have any suggestions or find any errors please message me so I can fix it.
> 
> My tumblr is unicornglittercake(.)tumblr(.)com
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story as much as I do! ^o^

It’s been a warm summer evening the sun just disappearing behind the trees. The sky was a nice blue transitioning into a bright warm orange. It’s been extremly hot the whole day and the cool night air was really pleasant. It was a normal evening in july. The air smelled like freshly mowed lawn and a hint of broiled meat. Indeed it was the perfect evening for having a barbecue.

Hux decided to close the store just a little later than usual since some people were still out on the street.

He got himself a new pack of cigaretts from the store just round the corner. You could hear some crickets and see the first fireflies flying around.

He started inhaling and exhaling the smoke and it made him extremly calm. He was not very fond of this habbit because his clothes would smell like smoke and his loft as well but it was his only unreasonable habbit.

Sitting on the bench in front of the book store was a good place to observe the street.  It was a small backroad at the east side of the town. Cobblestone made it slightly uncomfortable to walk on especially since some of the stones were missing.

On the opposite side of the street was an old wall with ivy growing all over it. In the wall were many cracks and Hux would bet that one day it‘s going to just collapse under it‘s own weight.

On the right side oft he wall stood a small house with red roof tiles. A sign on the front door welcoming everyone who might wanted to enter. People said that an old lady lived in this house but Hux has never seen her in person.

On the left side was a small bakery which was already closed. They made the best choclate cake in town, which was Hux guilty-pleasure.

He watched the street for a while until his cigarette was nearly gone. One last drag and he threw the butt in a bin near by.

A short glimpse at his watch told him that it was 10 p.m. already but he wasn’t tired. The store hasn’t been busy, only a few tourists buying postcards and a lady looking for an asian cookbook.

As soon as the summer was over he had to be prepared for all the students which desprately needed new textbooks last-minute. That thought made him smile and remember the days when he still went to school. But he was a rather organized student and always pre-ordered his textbooks at the start of the summer-break.

Deep in thought he was surprised when suddenly the street lights were illuminated.

He decided to walk back to the store.

Hux got up from the bench and grabbed his keys. It was pretty late and time to close for today.

He turned the key three times in the lock and pushed the latch down once more just to make sure the door was really closed.

Once he was satisfied, he walked to the back of his store where a spiral staircase led to his appartment. It wasn’t huge but there was enough room for someone who lived on his own.

Climbing the stairs they made squeaky-sounds beneath his feet. It still was an old house.

He set his shoes neatly on a shelve in the small foyer and walked straight to his living room. As he suspected his cat was lying on her usual spot, a red velvet pillow, and she started complaining as soon as she spotted Hux. And really she was right it was nearly too late for dinner.

Hux grabbed a can with tuna flavoured cat food and poured it into her chinaware bowl next to the refridgerator.

He remembered that there were still some left-overs from yesterday when his friend was over. They usually cooked together on wednesdays. She insisted that it wasn’t healthy for Hux to be alone all the time and ‚no‘ customers and his cat didn’t count as social interaction. So they cooked on wednesdays and met for their weekly walks on saturdays.

Hux really enjoyed Phasmas company because she was an extremy calm person. Shes been familliar with Hux mannerisms and she never complained about them. It was no suprise that she was one oft he few people he still kept in touch with. He’s never been extremely popular in school. Being popular was never a priority to him because he enjoyed being on his own and had no desire for company most of the time. People only caused trouble and he wasn’t able to deal with it.

His mom used to worry a lot about him. She sometimes arranged play dates for him when he was a child but Hux never understood. He always wanted to play on his own or he would read for hours. Hux lived in his own world and in the storys he read in the books from his dad’s library. Later his parents sent him to a boarding school when he was thirteen becaus they wanted him to be around people his age. To his surprise he actually made some friends in the end and Phasma was one of them.

He hasn’t seen the others for a long time. Once they had finished school everyone moved back home or in their first own apartment.

They’d been a small group of people and as they grew one by one eventually got lucky.

At the age of twenty-three he started wearing longsleeved shirts every day, even in the summer time, ashamed that he still had his tattoo. He grew fond of the theory that his soulmate had died long before they even had the chance to search for each other.

 

*****

 

He placed his food in the microwave and waited for it to heat up. He looked out of the window. It was extremely dark outside and he decided to open his windows because the air was really fuggy. A light breeze entered the kitchen wich was really pleasant. Suddenly the alarm on the microwave went off, telling him that his food was ready to be eaten.

Hux sat down on his couch with his full pasta plate. He turned his tv and stared searching for anything interesting and settled on a documentation about ancient egypt.

He didn’t really focus on the tv programm it was just a background noise. It gave him the impression of not being alone in his apartment. It was annother habbit of him and he did this every time he came home.

Millicent sat down right next to him and started deep-cleaning her fur. The little bell on her collar made some noise as she rolled on her back signaling Hux to ruffle the fur on her belly. As soon as he started petting her she began to purr.

Hux had bought her a long time ago from a local shelter.

Of course it was Phasma’s idea. She thought that looking after a pet would be good for him.

As soon as Hux saw Milli in the little cage he knew that she was the one. He just couldn’t resist since she was a ginger just like him and he never second-guessed it since. 

Most of the time she was the only one to keep him company.

After he finished dinner he went dirctly to the kitchen cleaning his plate. He hated old dirty plates lying around in his sink that attracted these little annoying flies. In summer they were practically everywhere. He should’ve bought a fly screen already but somehow he was always way too busy.

In the living room a historien went on talking about the _Giza Pyramids_. It was not exactly interesting and definitely not worth falling asleep on the couch so Hux decided to call it a day. He had to get rid oft he weird mix of tabaco and pasta in his mouth so he went to the bath-room. After changing in his pajamas he crawled under the blanket. Even in summer he couldn’t fall asleep without the familliar weight of it. As soon as he touched the pillow he was gone to a world only existing in his head.

 

 

*****

 

The morning-air was already very mild and Hux stood at the doorstep of his store watching the road. It was an odinary day, nothig special to expect. He streched a few times. This ought to be a great day because he had new orders to unpack.

The book store was relatively small and it was stuffed with huge massive bookshelves. They had little sings on top of them depending on the genre. Next to the science-shelve was a huge leather wing chair if his customers wanted to relax or read for a while. Sometimes if there was no one in the store Hux used it himself.

On the counter stood a huge can full of green tea on top of a hand-knitted tea cloth. Next to it was Hux’s authentic antique NCR cash register. It was quite heavy because it’s original from 1890 and made out of bronze. It fit the furniture perfectly. He got it at an auction a few years ago.

Behind the counter stood his long awaited UPS boxes with orders that had arrived this morgning. The whole bookstore smelled like freshly brewed green tea and new books. Unpacking new books was his favourite part about owning a bookstore.

As he was busy unpacking he heard foot steps on the wooden floor and looked up from his spot. Since it was still early he had not expected any customers. Seemed like someone was an early bird.

It happened to be a tall, handsome man. He was completely dressed in black. He slightly looked like someone on his way to a funeral but to be honest his clothes were too casual for this occation.

Hux first noticed his dark black hair, long enough to touch his shoulders. He wore a pair of ripped, black denim jeans and a washed out _Black Sabbath_ band-shirt. The destroyed looking chucks completed his outfit. Yeah that’s definitely not something you should wear to a funeral.  Somehow the guy seemed a bit nervous but Hux couldn’t tell why. He wasn’t a local, probably he was just lost.

'May I help you?', Hux asked.

To Hux’s surprise the man just shook his head and walked towards the back of the store. He was really ominous but at the same time not unattractive.

Hux tried not to bother and went back to unpacking the boxes. It was still a lot of work and he actually appreciated that his customer was all right on his own.

Hux walked back and forth through the store a few times, arranging and organizing the new books into the shelves. After a few minutes he dared to look for his strange customer that kept him company since approximatly ten minutes and saw the guy sitting in the leather chair, reading. He picked _Edward Munch, A Genius of Printmakeing_ by Gerd Woll, what a strange choice. Hux himself only knew _Der Schrei der Natur_ by Munch. It was one of the only paintings he could think of besides _Mona Lisa_ by Van Gogh. Hux wasn’t too familliar with art. He had always preferred books and books only.

The man semed to be utterly focused, fading out his surroundings. After a split second Hux recognized that he was staring. Ashamed he turned away to give his customer some privacy. The store wasn’t busy and Hux had sympathy for every one who enjoyed reading. Still there was a strange feeling he had, looking at the customer. It felt like a deja-vu. Like he knew this person but he just couldn’t place it. That was frustrating.

It had to be the extreme summer heat he decided, grabbed a cup and poured himself a some tea. For a second he thought that it might be polite to ask wether the guy wanted some tea as well but Hux decided against it. He wasn’t a host only the owner of a bookstore.

As time went by Hux nearly forgot about the misterious guy in his leather chair, being extremly focused on his own business. He still had to make room for the new textbooks he had ordered.

 

*****

 

An hour later he looked at his watch shocked just how fast time went by. This guy was here way too long. If he wasn’t planning on buying at least something Hux would have to kick him out. As he walked round the corner to find  that the chair was empty. At first Hux was offended because this guy hasn’t even bothered to say 'good bye' but he noticed a little note left on the chair.

+++

_Thanks for having me over for such a long time._

_I did not want to disturb you, you seemed very busy._ _I’ll come back next week, I’m interested in buying the book._

_Could you please put it aside for me?_

_K.R._

+++

Hux dropped the note immediatly. A shiver ran down his spine. His heart started racing and he felt really sick suddenly. His hands started sweatting and it felt hard to breathe. Fearing that his legs could fail him, he sank on the floor. He was shaking now. The walls were coming closer. No not again…

There was no way.

No need to be this worked up.

He tried to breath constanlyt, trying to calm himself which was extremely hard while being distressed. He covered his head in his palms trying awfully hard not to cry. This was not rational, this was stupid.

He picked the note up once again examining the person’s handwriting. It was extremely simillar to be honest. Both seemed like somone has written it utter sloppy. All the letters were drawn-out the exact same way. Like the person was in a rush. Not nearly as neat as Hux’s own handwritig where every letter looked like it was printed on the paper.

No this had to be a simple coincidence.

The hadwriting nearly matched but still this was totally impossible, he told himself.

He had to be careful he couldn’t allow himself getting his hopes up once again. Not after all these years he had survived on his own. He shook his head angry at himself. He had promised himself to stop looking. It was for his own sake. Every time he thought he found the right person he was left with grief. He had enough of shattered dreams and so many people had played with his heart he wasn’t even sure he still owned one.

After he was sure that he was stable enough, he tried to get to his feet again. Hux sat down on the leather chair. It would be wise to take a break and clean himself, since he had sweated quite a lot.

Hux grabbed the note and ripped it into a thousand pieces.

It made him feel more at ease. Now there was no chance of him looking at the note again. This was totally impossible anyways.

He went straight outside lighting up a cigarette…


	3. Kapitel zwei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We will learn a bit mor about Hux's past I guess...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm extremly stressed because I still have some exams but I somehow finished this chapter.  
> I promise once my winter break starts I'll update more regularly. Also I haven't had as much time to proofread my work soo there might be some mistakes but I really wanted to update this story bc I like it soo much.  
> Also new side-blog on tumblr dedicated to star wars & kylux: i-ship-kylux(.)tumblr(.)com
> 
> Huge thanks for your support so far! Comments and Kudos make my day!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this <3

The cigarette was a lifesaver to him. His hands were still shaking while he tried to light it.

He nearly dropped his matches but once it was lit he could feel relief washing over him. It felt like finally waking up after a horrible nightmare recognizing that it was only a dream.

It was only coincidence. Nothing to worry about. He shook his head, feeling like a teenager again. This was so stupid and unlike him. Freaking out because of a simple note. What has he become?

After his last drag he threw the butt away.

The sun was burning on his fragile pale skin. He decided to go back inside. Still there was a lot of work he had to get done.

He saw that he had left _Edward Munch, A Genius of Printmakeing_ on the leather chair.

The cover was mostly white. It said the title in big, black letters. The picture on the front was rather strange. Few people standing in front of a scenery, everything black and white except for the sky which was hot pink for some reason. Hux couldn’t get why someone whould find this aestheticly pleasing.

He picked a neon green post-it note, wrote K.R. on it and stuck it on the book cover. Now he had done his part. Secretly he hoped that the misterious man would never come back and just forget about it. Yes the situation still freaked him out and there was a small but powerful voice in his head, telling him: _What if? What if?_

Also he was kinda curious if the guy had suspected anything. Maybe he had seen Hux staring at him.

_Maybe…._

No this nonsense had to stop. It was supposed to be a normal day like any other day and nobody would ruin it for him. He went inside to his UPS packages and tried to get back to where he stopped just thirty minutes ago.

But he wasn’t concentraitig and his thoughts were spinning. In the end, the day wasn’t nearly as productive as he had hoped it would be. When the clock hit nine he closed the store.

 

*****

 

Hux decided to go on a long walk to blow the cobwebs away. He stood in front of his store lighting a new cigarette and started walking down the street. On his way he passed the bakery but of course it was already closed.

It was still awfully warm outside and completely windless. Hux prefered cold weather, though. He had no affinity for warm weather probably because his hometown was in an area that was always cold, even in summer. Everyone besides him seemed to love summer.

There were kids outside because it was still sunny. Hux passed them and as he looked a little closer he was able to see that they all had tattoos on their arms. They didn’t seem to care, completely focused on their soccer match. He could remember a time when he was just as carefree as these kids. A time were he thought every person met their soulmate in the end. You just have to be patient and wait, his mom used to say.

These days were over and he had learned that reality was sometimes cruel. There were many good things that didn’t exsist like Santa Clause and the Toothfairy. Looking at these children made him extremly sad. They were young and naive but being naive is a blessing sometimes.

He shook his head, they would find out soon enough. But maybe they had more luck than him. Maybe at least one of them would find their significant other.

Hux passed them and he realized what his destination was as he walked further down the street. He could already hear some waves crash at the cliffs and smell the fresh, slightly salty air. It used to be his favourite place. When he just moved here he had found it by accident.

He was curious because it was the first time for him seeing the sea.

He foud this thin path between these sharp rocks that lead to a tiny bay. It was Hux’s secret place and one wasn’t able to make it out between the rocks unless one knew where to look. He’s never met anyone there so he was certain that it was his own little secret.

He had to be extremely careful, the path was awfully steep. Once he reached the beach he was able to see how the sunset turned the whole sea in a deep orange colour. It looked a bit like liquid gold. There were some seagulls screaming above him.

Hux sat down and stared into the distance.

 

*****

 

He remembered a time when he was still in boarding school. There used to be a big apple tree on the school ground and Hux liked to sit underneath it. It stood in a quiet corner, perfect for his purpose. Most of the time he was reading, trying to avoid club activities. It was his favourite spot and he used all the time he had to sit underneath it reading and enjoying to be alone.

One day was different though. It was the day he met Phasma and Poe.

He was reading as usual, deep in thoughts and the world stopped exsisting for a while. He was at a particularly thrilling passage when suddenly he was violently pulled out of his dream-world.

It was a shock when he slowly realized that someone must have taken his book away from him. He looked up from his spot and saw a huge figure standing above him.

It had to be the scary guy from one class above his. He really was extremely intimidating and most people (like Hux) tried their best to avoid him.

The guy looked at the book cover and wrinkled his nose.

'Why are you always sitting in this corner you freak!? Don’t have any friends, huh? No wonder if you’re always reading you nerd! Let me help you get rid of this',, he smirked.

Then he started waving with the book like it was a trophy.

Soon Hux realized that the guy was walking towards a trash can…

_Oh no no no why me?? Not my book…_

'Please, give it back!', Hux tried but he knew he had no a single chance against this giant.

'Or what’s going to happen!?', the guy said laughing

….

'Or I am going to kick your ass!'

Hux flinshed and turned around. Then he saw a tall girl standing not too far away from him. Her arms crossed as she gave the huge guy a death stare.

Next to her stood a muscular large boy also looking like he was ready to fight what ever may come. Hux was confused and he had lost track of what was going on.

The girl positioned herself in front of Hux. That’s when Hux realized that they must’ve come for his rescue. The tall boy casually grabbed Hux’s book from the giant that suddenly did not look as scary anymore in comparison.

'Take someone your size! And by the way reading wouldn’t harm you Marty!', the boy said with a smirk.

'It’s non of your fucking business!', he yelled but then he turned around and walked away. Probably smart enough to accept that he had no chance against the two.

Hux was still in shock, he couldn’t believe how he did not end up upside down in a toilette. It was a miracle!

'Here’s your book kid! _Stephen King?_ Good choice!', said the boy who actually looked really friendly close up.

'Sorry we haven’t introduced ourselfs. I’m Phasma and this cheeky guy is called Poe', she said and gave him a warm smile. Her smile seemed genuine so Hux tried to return it.

'Uhm… I’m Armitage Hux but please just call me Hux… Nobody calls me Armitage…'.

'Nice to meet you Hux!', Poe said 'would you like to have some company during your break?'

Hux wasn’t sure if he got Poe wrong but looking at him smiling he started to realize that these people were actually friendly to him.

'Sure!', Hux said and felt really warm inside. This was the first time ever someone had asked him to hang out during a break. Normally people only did to copy his homework. But these people even stood up for him wich was a totally new experience but he really liked it.

After this day they started meeting regularly during breaks. They even noticed that they had some classes together.

Phasma was in Hux’s _Advanced Mathematic_ course while Poe was in Hux’s _Russian_ class. So they met quite often.

After a while Hux realized that Phasma and Poe were his very first real friends. In the past people choose to avoid him because they thought that he was strange and they teased him for his bright orange hair. And to admit, Hux agreed that it clashed horribly with his ghost-like skin and his ice-bue eyes.

Phasma in contrast made him compliments for his orange hair. She always felt the need to ruffle it whenever they met and Phasma always knew the right words to cheer Hux up.

In the end Hux had learned that even bad situations could turn into something positive.

It really was a day that changed his life.

 

*****

 

The sun was nearly gone by now and so were his cigaretts. He hadn’t realized he’d smoked a whole pack. At least he was calm now. A bit nostalgic maybe but he felt better and he knew he could just call Phas or Poe at any time.

Not now he thought. He’d see Phas soon anyways and Poe would just be worried if he called this late.

He got up and he felt that his legs were numb. It felt like pins and needles in his legs. He shouldn’t have sat cross-legged the whole time.

As soon as the weird feeling went away he turned to walk home. He still felt strange for getting emotional this easily but he told himself that he was just over-reacting.

Hux promised himself to forget about the subject as he walked down the street, leading to his store. The streetlights were illuminated and he realized that it was quite late.

His stomache started grumbling and it was no surprise since he hasn’t eaten anything all day. In his head he could hear Phas giving him a lecture how regular meals were extremely important for your blood sugar level.

'I promise it will not happen again', he said to himself as he walked up the stairs.

The fridge was nearly empty and he made a note that he really needed to go grocery shopping. Luckily he found some milk and a few eggs, nearly all he needed for some pancakes, perfect!

He started mixing the eggs, flour, milk a pinch of salt and some butter together with a whisk. Millicent sat down next to him, first staring at him with her green eyes but as she realized that Hux hasn’t noticed she started to meow.

'Aww poor thing. I nearly forgot to feed you sweety. I’m such a bad owner…'.

His dough would have to sit for twenty minutes anyways. He grabbed a can of cat food and even gave her some cat-milk to make up for being careless. Milie just started eating, she wasn’t resentful.

He walked into the living room. As every evening he searched for something interesting on tv. After a few minutes he gave up and sticked with _Breakfast at Tiffany’s._ Definitely not his favourite genre but Audrey Hepburn was an excellent actress and it was a classic he couldn’t pass. Especially if the other choices were stuff like reality tv and a poker match on the sports chanel.

A short glimpse at his watch told him that the dough was ready to be baked. Hux went back to the kitchen and reached for a pan and some canola oil (he had used all his butter up for the dough). He was deep in thought as he pulled his sleeves up and started cooking.

He decided that three pancakes were surely enough for him. He put the pan in the sink to rinse it with water when he suddenly recognized the tattoo on his arm.

He hasn’t seen it in a while but he was sure that it looked a bit faded. Like it would start to turn slightly grey ….

 

 

 


	4. Kapitel drei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a tiny bit sad in my opinion...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! Here is chapter three.  
> I'm proud of myself being so early with this chapter.  
> Can't wait to start writing the next one.  
> As always THANK YOU soooo much for your support! I'm thankful for every comment or kudo!! 
> 
> Please keep in mind that english is only my second language and I'm the only one proof reading this stuff x.x  
> If you find any major mistakes please message me <3
> 
> I wish you a merry christmas and if you're not celebrating it I wish you happy holidays!!  
> Hope you'll like this chapter.
> 
> My tumblr for kylux & Star Wars: i-ship-kylux(.)tumblr(.)com

It’s been a hard day at work and Hux was glad as he was able to close the store. There had been a lot of customers. One was looking for a chinese dictionary annother needed a book about about analysis, so Hux was busy the whole time, running around the store.

Only one customer he was secretly waiting for, did not make an apearance. He left the store open until nine, then he decided that he should finally close.

Up in his apartment, Hux stood at the kitchen sink washing the dishes that were left from dinner. He was deep in thought as he ran the water, pulled up his sleeves, grabbed a sponge and some dish detergent.

As he picked up the plate scrubbing it thoroughly he noticed something that seemed unfamilliar. Hux decided to take a closer look wich was a mistake…

He stared at his arm in horror. It was pale as always, covert with multiple freckles and sheer orange hair but one thing was different.

_Very different!_

Where his tattoo used to be was nothing left, it was simply a plane spot on his arm. Like it never existed. His arm looked terribly foreign like it wasn’t his, like it did not belong to his body.

His hands started shaking and suddenly he felt like getting sick. There were goosebumps all over his body. It was this terrible feeling right before vomitting.

_Why…why…why?_

_How was this possible??_

He sat down feeling like he was falling apart. This made no sense at all. He rubbed his eyes and risked a glimpse at his arm. Still the date was gone.

_No…no…no…_

With his finger he carefully touched the skin where the date used to be. Suddenly reality kicked in. It really was disappeared this was no hallucination.

_Why me?? Why…why…WHY???_

He had always managed to live with the fact that he wasn’t supposed to have a soulmate but now that the tattoo was gone it felt horribly realistic and terminating.

Hot tears began running down his cheeks and his sight started getting blurry. He hated loosing control so much but in this moment he had truly no chance.

Hux was the victim of his own emotions he wasn’t able to control anymore.

His silent crying soon changed into loud sobbing. It’s been twenty-seven years he had his tattoo and now it was simply gone without further explanation. Someone had just taken the last bit of hope away.

This wasn’t fair he hasn’t done something wrong! Why would the universe hate him this much?

Not finding his significant other was one thing but he had his taken away from him. It was so cruel and hurt like someone had simply ripped his tattoo away.

A headache was slowly building probably caused of dehydration. The pain came in waves as it crashed over his head again and again.

His throat started hurting and he wasn’t able to breathe through his nose anymore. Hux was glad that there was no mirror, he must’ve looked like a total mess lying on the floor, sobbing.

The walls he had built over time were slowly falling apart. Crumbleing away like the old one vis-à-vis from his store.

Hux couldn’t help it he just hasn’t had the power to stop crying and he knew it would make his headache even worse. He wasn’t able to see a thing as tears continued running down his cheeks and wet his collar.

In contrast everything around him was terribly quiet. Not even Millicent making a sound. No peolpe talking or laughing on the street. Like he was alone in this world.

So he lay on the floor for a while when he finally managed to stop crying. A nearly cathartic numbness spreading through his body. But still his headache was horrible.

He pulled himself up from his position on the floor and walked straight to the bathroom. The aspirin pills had to be somewhere, he was extremely sure of it.

He opened a few drawers until he finally found a small blister with exactly one left.

Hux grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with water. He wasn’t able to swallow the pill otherwise, besides it would be smart to get some water into his system anyways.

It wasn’t fair, he told himself over and over again. He had pulled his sleeves down avoiding to look at his arm. He wasn’t able to accept it and he wouldn’t be able to for a long time.

He had to admit that he was a bit romantic and that he had always hoped to find his soulmate and live a happy life together. He’d always imagined reading to his lover from his favourite book. All of these dreams were ultimately ruined in only a few minutes.

He lay down on the bathroom floor. The tiles underneath him cold and not comforting at all.

But he wasn’t able to get up. He didn’t know what to do with himself. So he just stayed on the floor overwhelmed with his own feelings.

He had no experience with emotional outburst. And here he was lying on the bathroom floor. Dryed tears on his skin, a complete mess.

No energy to do anything. All his hopes and dreams finally demolished without further explanation.

The world was cruel and he had always known it but he hasn't been ready. He hasn't been prepared for this cenario. He had not known that this was even possible, that it was possible to loose the tattoo without meeting the matching person behind it.

But maybe it was just him. Maybe something was wrong with him and he deserved to be punished in such a painful fashion.

After what felt like hours he picked himself up and went to his bedroom. He just threw his clothes over a chair nearby and lay down in his bed.

Despite the heat he rolled himself up in his blanket and hoped for sleep to save him from his misery.

 

*****

_He is lying on soft ground, around him only darkness. But he’s not afraid, quite the contrary._

_He slowly opens his eyes being awfully sleepy. All he can see is a warm yellow light. It shines bright, too bright for his eyes._

_He can smell mowed lawn and fresh air. It reminds him of days when he used to have picnic with his parents in spring._

_He feels oddly safe even though he doesn’t know where exactly he is._

_Once his eyes are adjusted he turns his head to the right. He can see nearly endless grassland. Above him a blue sky, no clouds nor birds._

_He closes his eyes again feeling relieved that all the pain is gone. He is calm and uncommonly happy. Maybe this is what paradise looks like, he thinks to himself._

_He opens up is eyes again. He is still lying on the grass, the sun is shining bright above him._

_He slowly sits up examining his surroundings. Everything seems to be green around him. He wants to lay down again when he recognizes a black spot in the distance._

_It is far away from him but it really catches his interest. It may be annother human being…_

_He tries to get up and fails. His legs are quite shaky from lying on the ground. After a few attempts he finally gets up._

_Even in this position the grassland feels infinite. The grass is flat where he used to lie but the grass blades start poping up one after annother._

_He turnes around, the black spot is still there in the distance. He starts walking towards it but with every step if feels like it‘s only getting further away from him._

_At one point maybe he’d given up but some how he feels like reaching this spot is immensely important._

_Though he has the impression that he isn‘t moving at all he tries running._

_And really it seems like it works. He can see the black spot getting bigger and bigger the closer he gets._

_He is already out of breath but the adrenalin in his veins keeps him going. His heart is racing and he feels oddly euphoric._

_Now that ge gets closer and closer he sees that it really is a human lying on the grass. He seems to wear a long black coat covering his whole body. From this spot he isn‘t able to see the strager’s face so he starts running again._

_Now he is only approximately 100 meters away from the person. He isn’t sure if it is a woman or a man. All he can tell for sure is that this person is rather tall and has dark black hair. It is curly and covers the whole face._

_He is a bit scared getting even closer not wanting to disturb the other but he feels like this person is really important._

_Normally he never acts purely on instinct but now everything is completely different._

_He takes a deep breath as he slowly moves closer. He is only one arm length away but the other one hasn’t recognized him yet._

_His first thought is that the thick dark fabric must be intensely hot since it is pleasantly warm and Hux is only wearing a t-shirt._

_He gently touches the other person. He can feel broad shoulders under the coat, it is a man and a really muscular as well._

_He took a step back scared to wake him but he there is no sign that he had noticed him._

_What if he is dead?_

_He hastly grabbes the man’s right wrist looking for his pulse._

_The heartbeat is calm and steady so there is no need to be worried._

_Exhausted from running he sinks down onto the grass, taking some rest._

_They are lying next to each other and it’s not even uncomfortable. Hearing the other persons breath makes him oddly calm._

_Hux has lost all sense of time but it feels like an eternity since he got up from his old spot._

_He nearly jumps as the other person abruptly begins to move. The guy stands in front of Hux, covering him from the sun and suddenly Hux starts shivering._

_'Are you cold? '_

_The guy turns around pulling his coat off. He lays it on top of Hux like a blanket._

_How can he know?_

_That’s the last thing he can remember when he wakes up._

*****

 

He opened his eyes slowly as he waked up.

_Where am I?_

Underneath him was a hard wooden floor instead of his mattress. He was completely disoriented.

As he looked up he saw a familiar ceiling. _Oh_ he must’ve fallen out of bed. Maybe he had had a nightmare. _No it wasn’t a nightmare, actually it had been such a beautiful dream…_

He got up walking towards the bathroom. As he saw the empty blister on the sink, bad memorys from yesterday came back.

He looked at his arm but it was true. The tattoo was still gone and he had no idea why.

He thought about the weird dream he had and about the beautiful man that had given him his jacket. Lying with him had felt so natural to him like they had known each other for a long time.

In reality he was only a costruction of his own brain. _But oh what would he give to make this dream real…_

Hux sat down on his couch. He didn’t feel like doing anything but he had to open the store. He knew there was no way around it but he couldn’t motivate himself.

Millicent suddenly jumped on his lap, she turned around a few times until she found the perfect position and lay down.

Hux smiled a little bit. Millie hat this effect on him, she always made him smile even if he felt like total crap.

He stroked her fur and she becan to purr with pleasure. The sat in this position for a few minutes.

But there was no way to shrik responsibility. He placed Millicent on his couch and grabbed his keys.

He was depressed but he had to work in the end, he still had to pay the bills.

Hux hung the ‚We’re open!‘ sign on the door and went back to his spot behind the counter.

It was only 10 a.m. but the thermometer showed him that it was already 28°C outside. This day would be just as hot as the others before and it would go on like this for a few weeks or so.

After a few minutes the first customer came in. It was a short woman with bright red hair and dark brown eyes. She smiled at him. He forced himself to smile back. She carried a huge shoulder bag covert with band patches around. She gave him a little nod and disappeard in the science section. Probably a college student.

Hux was glad that she left him alone, he wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

She bought book about astro physics and left the store.

This woman ended up to be the only customer that morning.

 

*****

It was nearly nine and Hux went out for a cigarette. He really needed it. This whole day has been horrible and all he wanted was going back to sleep.

He inhaled the smoke as he became a little calmer. He stared into the distance trying to ignore the thoughts that were haunting him all day.

There was this little voice in his head.

_Maybe your tattoo is gone because you already found your soulmate?_

But this was nonsense who could it be, he hasn’t seen a lot of people in the last couple days. Besides nobody of these people had felt special to him.

All of them had been customers and his mother had always told him that if he found his soulmate he would be a hundred percent sure. Also they were two people so someone must be looking for him as well.

He was still debating in his head going back and forth as he heard someone running down the street.

Hux looked up and felt a pang in his chest. This was the customer from a few days ago.


	5. Kapitel vier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried something new...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi !!!  
> Writing this chapter was really hard... I tried something new and I hope you'll like it...  
> By the way OH MY GOSH over 400 hits I'm speechless...Also HUGE THANKS to Ginger for motivating me with these awsome comments!!
> 
> I'm not quite sure if you'll like what I did in this chapter so please let me know and give me some constructive feedback...
> 
> You can find me on tumblr by the way ^o^: i-ship-kylux.tumblr.com

He was late as usual. He ran up the stairs taking two steps at a time. A short glimpse at his watch told him that he had three minutes left before departure.

His mother would kill him if he missed this train.

But he was lucky and reached platform three just in time. He saw wagon four in front of him.

 

_Thank god!_

 

Most travellers had already entered. He was the only one left. The train guard gave him an evil look.

As he entered he held his leather travel bag close to his body, trying not to catch on something. He was really clumsy.

His body beeing way to huge for his taste and had a nice collection of buises. His sister used to tease him when they were still little and he had hated her for it.

They used to fight a lot but nowdays they only met on a few occations. One of them was this weekend.

It was december 23rd and he was on the ride home for Christmas.

His mother had insisted to make a reservation in the first-class compartment. Maybe she was right, after all his mother was the senator of the state.

He walked through the corridor when he suddenly found the right seat.

It said _Solo-Organa_ on a sign.

The compartment was lined with dark brown wood, probably walnut. The seats were covert with red velvet cusions. On the window hung a Santa Clause Christmas ornament slightly moving. The compartment was a bit too upscale for his taste.

It was quite empty. Only a young man sitting next to the window deep in thoughts, reading a book. Seemed like he hadn’t noticed him yet.

He pulled his long black coat off, hung it on a hook next to the door and took his seat.

It was still a long ride to his home-town and he decided that doing a few sketches wouldn’t hurt. He always carried a note book and a few pencils with him.

He looked at the guy in front of him. This man seemed like a good model for his scetch. He did this quite often and nobody had complained so far.

He looked up a few times to check if the guy had noticed but he was still absorbed in his book.

He was reading _11/22/63_ by Stephen King. It was a good book, he knew this much.

The compartment was pleasantly silent since they were on their own. Only the muffled sounds the train made were heard when Kylo started drawing.

 

*****

 

_He is lying on his back on a hard ground, around him only darkness. He is getting nervous._

_Where am I? What’s going on??_

_He snapps his eyes open, immediately closing them again. The light hurts his since his eyes must’ve been closed for a long time._

_He gropes in the dark and there he feels something familiar. He must be lying on a lawn._

_It remembers him of the days when he used to play outside with Finn._

 

_Oh right! Finn… They used to be best friends…_

 

_He tries to open his eyes again, going slower this time. He rubbes them a few times._

_Once they are adjusted to the light he looks up only seeing a bright blue sky. No clouds that could save him from the sun._

_His head feels a little strange._

_Mayebe he is drunk or hangover… Or maybe this is just a dream?_

_He tries to sit up but his leggs fail him. They feel numb as well as his arms._

_He lies down again trying to move his limbs individually._

_They are still stiff from lying but he tries to get up once again._

_He feels utterly weak but then he manages to sit up eventually._

_Sitting makes him feel less vulnerable and more like he has some power over this situation._

_He turns left and right but he can only see grass…grass everywhere. It looked peaceful but appearances are often deceptive._

_Feels like he is lying in the middle of a green sea. The bright blue of the sky being a strong contrast to the endless green._

_The sun is shining and he feels too warm since he is wearing his heavy winter coat._

_He shuffles it off finally releasing himself._

_He’s only wearing a t-shirt now._

_He tries to calm himself rubbing his plams together._

_He is overlooking the area when he suddenly recognizes a little spot far far away from him._

_That is weird. It was the only spot that wasn’t green._

_He had the feeling that it was important. Maybe it was annother person, maybe this person knew where they are…_

_This is his only hope._

_He gets up and starts walking, his long coat tucked under his right arm._

_The grass has grown high so he struggles getting through it._

_It feels like he isn’t moving at all. It is utterly frustrating. The little spot is still small in the distance._

_He is not one to simply give up so he starts running getting faster and faster._

_The spot is getting bigger as he closes the distance and he can see that it is a small orange spot._

_He stopps, being out of breath but he needs to reach it! A rush of adrenalin get’s him going again._

_He is now only a few meters away and the grass around him is getting higher and higher like it’s trying to hide something from him._

_He has to voilently kick his way through and he can see it clearly now._

_The little spot is, indeed a young man._

_He is lying on the grass only wearing some blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He has goosebumps on his arms._

_Kylo spreads his coat over him like a blanket._

_The man is peacefully lying on the ground._

_Makes him think of The Sleeping Beauty by the Brothers Grimm._

_But he isn’t moving at all._

_Maybe he is dead?_

_Horror is washing over Kylo. No he can’t be dead he is important!_

_Why? Kylo had no clue he was acting purely on instinct. He grabbs the man by his shoulders, shaking him, trying to wake him._

_No reaction but Kylo recognizes that he ist still breathing._

_Somehow Kylo is still holding the man in his arms. After a while he gently lies him on the ground again._

_Wait! He has seen this face before…_

_It’s been a few years but he can remember it clearly now…_

_It was a cold winter evening in december and he was on the way home…_

_It was the man with the book he is sure of it… He has to know since he has always kept the portrait of him._

_Looking at the drawing had always made him sad. He has no idea why…_

_And now he is in this place with him… Why…?_

_Why were they both here in this strange area? It makes no sense… this man is just a random person but somhow it feels like they’ve known each other for ever._

_Kylo lies down next to him. He is confused…what does this all mean?_

_Suddenly the man besides him starts moving…_

_> Oh I must have slept in…do you know what time it is?<_

_> N..no…?<_

*****

 

The sun was shining through his window illuminating his whole room. It was only seven a.m. but it was summer. In summer he only worked in the early morning and the late evening.

He couldn’t handle the heat outside. He wasn’t made for it so he tried to wiggle his way aroud it.

Kylo stared at the ceiling for a few more minutes. Not in the mood to get up yet. Too bad that he had comissions to do.

After five minutes he finally convinced himself that he needed to pay some bills at the end of the month. He started looking for his mobile phone. He needed music and coffee in the morning or he couldn’t function at all.

It has been lying under his pillow as always along with some other junk that has somehow ended up there.

 

_…I would say I'm sorry_

_If I thought that it would change your mind_

_But I know that this time_

_I have said too much_

_Been too unkind…_

The Cure on full volume he walked to the kitchen, falling over a few boxes on his way. He really needed to clean his apartment but somehow he was always too busy.

Kylo grabbed his favourite mug from the shelf and some random coffee beans he had bought at a discounter.

He took some cereals and milk from the fridge. Wasn’t the healthiest breakfast… All in all his lifestyle was not the healthiest…

With the bowl in one hand and the mug in annother he left the kitchen.

After his little meal he dicided that taking a shower once in a while was probably a good idea.

He snatched some old jeans he had owned for ages and his favourite Black Sabbath t-shirt on his way to the bathroom.

As he stood under the spray he turned the water to 21°C. It felt awsome in contrast to the hot air outside.

He preferred the cold, snow and ice and hated the hot weather where his black clothes absorbed all the warmth.

Leia had always tried to convince him, to at least in summer wear some colourful clothes but Kylo felt awfully uncomfortable in them. So he sticked to black and was doomed to suffer.

He finished his shower after twenty-five minutes, not wanting to leave the cold spray.

But he had to get ready. A few days ago he had found a little book store not too far from his apartment. He really wanted to take a look but he preferred empty stores. Kylo hoped that it was still early enough as he left his house.

 

*****

 

It was a five minutes walk but it felt like an eternity since he had to walk in the sun. His black shirt already sticking to his skin.

There were only a few people on the street most of them probably on their way to work.

Kylo passed a backery and was debating whether he should get annother coffee but in the end he decided against it.

He walked past the backery and went straight to the book store. When he entered he saw that he was the only customer. _Perfect!_

It was a relatively small store and it was stuffed. You couldn’t see the walls that’s how many bookshelves were in here. On every bookshelve was a hand-drawn sign with the genre that the shelve contained. Kylo already saw a sign in the back that said _Art,_ exactly what he had been looking for.

In the middle was the counter, on top of it Kylo recognized a huge old-school cash register. _Nice!_ Next to it stood a huge porcelain can, probably filled with coffee or tea.

Behind the counter he could see someone rummaging through huge UPS boxes, probably the owner of the store.

Kylo had already spotted the art-section and walked straight up to it.

'May I help you?', the man behind the counter asked.

Kylo just shook his head, he wasn’t looking for anything particular plus the man seemed to be very busy anyways.

He stood in front of these huge booshelves for a while when he saw something that caught his attention.

It was _Edward Munch, A Genius of Printmakeing_ by Gerd Woll! He had been looking for this book for a while now.

As if somebody had known there stood a huge leather chair in the corner behind him. Kylo grabbed the book, opend it and started reading.

He was deep in thoughts when he suddenly had a strange feeling, like someone was watching him. He looked up from his book but he was still alone in the store.

But for a second he could see strands of bright orange hair behind the counter. He got up from his chair and walked towards the it trying to make no noise.

He was tall enough to see the small man kneeling in front of a few cardboard boxes.

The man turned around grabbing some more books as Kylo got a glimpse of his face.

 

_Oh…my…god!_

 

He made a few steps backwards and nearly tipped over a small carpet lying on the wooden floor.

 

_This…can’t…be… real…_

 

He knew this face but he had no idea where he had seen this man before.

 

_Or maybe…?_

 

The scales fell from his eyes.

This was the man from his dreams, these weird dreams were he woke up lying in the middle of nowhere.

It was always the same pattern like in _Groundhog Day_ , always the same storyline. This man lying in the distance, Kylo trying to wake him but every time he fails.

 

_Until last night… Last night he woke up fort he first time…_

 

A shiver ran down his spine.

It can’t be… he can’t be the same person…but he looked awfully similar. This had to be a coincidence he told himself. But the whole situation made him feel sick and he had the sudden urge to leave this place.

He sank down on the chair and grabbed some paper and a pen he had with him, scribbled a quick note because he felt guilty leaving without buying anything.

Kylo got up, his leggs were shaking. He let out a deep breath and tried sliding out oft he store without beeing confronted with this orange haired man.

Once he was outside he started running like a mad person nearly tipping over his own feet.


	6. Kapitel fünf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Kylo's POV!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok it's 2 a.m. but I just couldn't go to sleep without posting chapter five....I feel like crap but oh well :DD
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!! Please ignore mistakes I might have done...I'll proofread tomorrow when I'm rested...
> 
>  
> 
> In memory of Carrie Fisher (*1956-†2016)

It has been pretty late already but he still sat on the balcony, starring at the stars. It was warm outside and he couldn’t sleep. Did not want to sleep because he was afraid of what would come.

_…I don’t want to dream ever again…_

He had nightmares very often and he hated them. Always waking up in the middle of the night, disoriented and anxious. His mother by his side trying to calm him when he was screaming for help. Begging the other person not to die.

It was always the same dream over and over again and he was sick of it. His mother assumed that it had to do with his soulmate somehow and his uncle had agreed with her. Some people are just more sensitive than others, he had always said.

Luke had noticed that Kylo recognized even small details and that he was very attentive. So he was predisposed for having this strong connection with his soulmate.

In his dreams he woke up on a field of grass and he was never alone. There was always a young boy probably his age lying far away from him.

Every night he tried to reach him, to wake him, but he failed over and over again. These dreams had started a few years ago and this boy seemed to age in the same pace as Kylo himself. They were always the same age in every dream so that meant they both grew older with every year.

His mother said that as soulmates they had a special connection which showed itself through these dreams. It seemed like this was a one sided connection since his soulmate never responded to Kylo’s actions.

Who knows? Maybe his mother was right, maybe she and his uncle were wrong.

Rey had always made fun of his tattoo. The handwriting was so neat that it looked like someone had printed it on his arm.

'Your soulmate is a robot!', she yelled and ran away as Kylo tried to slap her.

Rey was his sister but they were like day and night. Sometimes people assumed that they weren’t even related because they did not even look similar.

Leia used to tell them that one day they’d be glad to have a sibling. She and uncle Luke were really close in contrast to Rey and Kylo.

Kylo couldn’t imagine that they’d ever get along. He hated his sister and he was sure that she hated him too. She has always been daddy’s girl. Han and her had a lot in common, the both liked cars and went on fishing trips on weekends.

Kylo on the other hand was a rather introverted person. He preferred staying at home with his mother. He was in his room all day, drawing and listening to music.

His dad always said that he was too emotional and that he never thought twice about his actions. They have never gotten along very well. His uncle always said that it would get better the older Kylo got. But still to this day their relationship has not improved so Kylo just accepted it.

But when he was a teenager he had always felt like he didn’t belong in this family. His dad selling cars while his mother was occupied with politics. Non of them cared for Kylo’s paintings, but they always went to Rey’s soccer games.

He felt awfully alone in this huge world. Nobody understood his feelings and nobody seemed to care about him. Kylo’s only hope was his soulmate…

Uncle Luke had told them many storys about soulmates when Rey and Kylo were still young. These storys always had a happy-ending where people found each other and sticked together till the end of their days.

Uncle Luke told them that these were storys of people he had known a long time ago. Luke himself had never found his soulmate but he did not seem bitter about it. He said that they were his family now, when Kylo once asked him if he felt lonely.

Kylo on the onther hand really hoped that he would find his soulmate and that his soulmate would understand him. That they maybe shared some passions and that he would finally be understood.

When he was old enough he started going to parties, looking for people that looked similar to the boy in his dreams.

After a while he felt like had talked to every ginger that existed in his home-town and the boy in his dreams still wouldn’t wake.

At first he was sad and later he got angry at himself and the whole universe. But it didn’t help and what followed was resignation.

He would end up like his uncle who lived alone with his dog on the edge of town. Kylo decided that it was better for him to give up. The hopeless search had made him sour.

When he graduated highschool his mother sent him to a private college a few states away from his home town. She had hoped that it would help Kylo meeting new people, making new friends but it didn’t went like she had imagined it.

He went through college staying on his own, trying to ignore most of the people around him. While others went to parties Kylo stayed in his dorm room, drawing or painting, listening to _Sisters of Mercy_ on full volume.

He avoided talking to other people and other people avoided talking to him.

The only person he talked to from time to time was Finn, his roommate and best friend. They knew each other since kindergarten and Ren was very glad that they shared rooms.

Finn was a pleasant roommate. He didn’t make too much noise and he never tried starting an unessesary conversation. That’s why Kylo liked him this much.

On some days when Kylo was in a rather good mood they played games on Finn’s ps4 and ordered pizza. These moments felt like Kylo had a normal life for once but it’s been rare occations.

In the end Finn was Kylo’s only friend in college and it didn’t change till graduation.

 

*****

It was still early in the morning when Kylo left the bookstore and rushed down the street. He was in shock not able to think straight. Thoughts spinning in his head and he always saw this face when he tried to close his eyes.

He walked further and further till he reached the cliffs on the east side of town. He looked for the thin, well-hidden path.

It was covert by some huge rocks and especially hard to find.

The path was extremely steep and he had to be careful not to tip and fall. At the end was a small, quiet bay. Kylo loved this place. It was perfect to just sit in silence and draw.  He looked in the distance, some seagulls screamin above him while the sun was trying to burn him to death.

On his tongue the subtle taste of salt. The wind blowing in his face which helped him to cool down just a little.

He had his old wasted chucks on, not quite the right shoes for climbing. Kylo carefully took one step after annother afraid to loose his balance. On the last part he nearly slipped but in the end he reached the bottom undamaged.

He was pretty sure that he was the only one that knew about this place and has never seen annother persone here before. It was his own little secret and he came here whenever he wanted to mull over something.

He picked up a few, flat stones and tried letting them jump a few times on the water surface.

The first one just splashed and sunk down to the ground. The second one managed to make a little jump but it was still not what Kylo tried to obtain.

He sat down after a while, playing with the last stone, letting it glide through his fingers over and over.

He turned his arm when he stared at his tattoo. It was slowly but definitely fading to grey. He looked a little closer but now he was sure…it was absolutely fading!

If his mother was right, the guy in the bookstore was Kylo’s soulmate!

 

*****

 

He started running home as fast as he could. There was something that has suddenly come to his mind. It’s been two years since he had drawn this piece but he had always kept it hidden in a drawer in his nightstand.

It’s been a sketch he had drawn on his train ride just before Christmas two years ago. He can remember it clearly this winter has been absolutely horrible.

Back then he had left the train with an odd feeling, like he had seen this guy before. But Kylo has never noticed a connection between his dreams and the man sitting right in front of him.

He was still running when he tried to grasp the small key in his left pocket. After all this time he still had the little Darth Vader key pendant Finn once gave to him. He grabbed it, holding it tight so it couldn’t slip through his fingers.

He jumped up the stairs to the apartment building in no time. He nearly fell up the staires. _This was the second time he nearly broke a bone today, awsome!_

Kylo reached his doorstep completely out of breath. He wasn’t used to workout anymore. He fiddled with his key when he eventually hit the lock. He turned his key three times when he heard a small _klick._ Kylo grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open.

His t-shirt was now completely damp and felt awful on his skin. Threw it on the ground as well as his old shredded chucks and ran towards his bedroom. Cleaning his apartment could wait.

The little drawer on his nightstand was locked and he had the small golden key under his pillow. It had a little chain so he could find it easily.

When he opened his drawer the portfolio was already lying on top of all the other stuff he kept hidden here.

Holding it, his hands started shaking. It was pretty old and he had kept his sketches in here since he was fifteen. This showed his progress in the last twelve years. It was exceptionally important to him.

He carefully opened it, so he wouldn’t accidently rip anything. There were a few newer sketches on top of it but it was still there.

It was only drawn with pencil but still he could imagine these charming blue eyes staring down at the passage he was currently reading. And the bright orange hair that was an incedible contrast to his pale skin. These fine long fingers, carfully turning pages.

This guy had been a ginger but back then Kylo didn’t care he was too busy drawing than to pay attention. Besides that Kylo nearly tried to ignore people that looked like the boy in his dreams. He didn’t want to get his hopes up again. He knew how it ended or how it had ended every time in the past.

He looked at his arm again. These neatly written numbers were almost light grey now. Seemed like he could nearly watch them disappear. And even if he was kinda happy there was this one question nagging him.

_If this man was his soulmate shouldn’t his tattoo be gone long ago?_

As always fate made no sense to Kylo, he just didn’t get it… What if they were soulmates but didn’t get along? They knew nothing about each other and probably this ginger didn’t even know he exists…

He really was confused. There was a warmth spreading through his body but there was also fear that he couldn’t ignore. It was an old feeling he knew way too well. _What if his soulmate didn’t like him?_

_What if his soulmate didn’t want a partner?_

_What if…._

Kylo shook his head. If they were really meant to be it would happen despite what Kylo did, he decided after a few minutes.

He should just lay back and wait like his mother had always told him. She’d be proud knowing that he was patient.

He’s never been patient as a child or teenager but maybe even Kylo Ren Organa-Solo could change! Maybe he could for once calm his temper. If the ginger was really his soulmate he did not want to ruin it. He already had ruined so much, he couldn’t fail his soulmate too.

 

*****

 

_He’s lying in the dark around him only darkness._

 

_He tries to open his eyes but the sun is just too bright._

 

_He decides that he can just let them closed._

 

_Staying in his spot was maybe a good choice._

 

_In the distance he can hear a faint voice but he doesn’t recognize it._

 

_Someone grabbs his arm pressig a finger on it. What’s going on??_

 

_He fades again. The darkness wrapping itself aroung him like a big blanket._

 

_He feels oddly safe and calm. This is not what he is used to be._

 

_His breathing regular his heartbeat steady. There is a small breeze but it is not cold at all._

 

_He can feel that he is wearing his winter coat again. It lies heavy on him._

 

_After what feels like an eternity he slowly opens his eyes. Looks like the sun is slowly going down._

 

_He turns his head and sees that he is not alone._

 

_Right next to him lies a young man. He has bright orange hair. His pale skin is sprinkled with dark freckles._

 

_His eyes are closed shut and Kylo can see his light blonde eyelashes._

 

_The man has goosebumps all over his body. No wonder he is only wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans._

 

_Kylo nearly jumps when the stranger starts moving and opening his eyes._

 

_> Are you cold?<_

 

_But he doesn’t wait for an answer. Kylo just pulls his coat off covering the man with it._

 

_He is stunningly beautiful and he is staring at Kylo with these facinating blue eyes._


	7. Kapitel sechs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changes again....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeyy!  
> It's 2 a.m. again... I shouldn't make this a habit... 
> 
> Ignore the mistakes I'll fix it tomorrow xD
> 
> Things are getting more interesting after five chapters *yaaay*
> 
> Thanks for your support!! I apreciate it a lot <3

'Excuse me!! Is the bookstore still open??'

 

The man was completely out of breath as he came running towards Hux. His black hair was awfully messy and he had decided to bind it back with an old washed out bandana.

He wore a tank top that said _Metallica_ in huge white letters, the rest was pitch black of course. Togehter with his old ripped chucks and the black mesh shorts he looked like he just came from a rock concert.

Hux was considering wheather he should just lie and say no but as he saw these pleading eyes he couldn’t bring himself to it.

 

'Yeah sure we’re still open! Come in.'

 

He tried his best to cover up how nervous he was. The last few days been hard enough and he couldn’t deal with it. There was a chance that this guy was his soulmate but what if he wasn’t? There has been this strange dream and to be honest he looked a lot like the man he had found on the grass. But there was one problem left and probably it was Hux himself.

It was his lack of faith and the fact that he wasn’t the bravest person on earth. When he was younger he was never too afraid to take a risk especially if there was such a high chance of getting lucky but now things were different.

He has been rejected multiple times and that left its trails on him. He wasn’t nearly as good at flirting as he used to be when he was still twenty. Maybe he should just let the other man take the first step?

 

'How can I help you?', he asked trying to get back on track again.

 

'Uhm… I’ve been here a few days ago and I left you a note…I’m not sure if you found it but I actually came to finally buy the book…'

 

Seemed like he was quite nervous himself. He scrached the back of his head and tried very hard to not make any eye-contact. This behaviour didn’t match his appearance at all. He was a large man and he was very muscular, his hands seemed way to big for an artist. But his shoulders were hunched which made him appear much smaller than he actually was.

'Yeah sure I got it!', Hux walked behind the counter. He felt a bit better for himself seeing that the situation was just as strange for the other one as it was for Hux. He opened a drawer and there it was. The weird cover half concealed by the neon green post-it note.

 

'Here you go! That’s thirty dollar please'

 

The man started rummaging in his back pocket. He owned one of these wallets that came with a silver chain so you could secure the wallet on your trousers. Of course it was black and it had a few faded buttons on it.

He dropped a ten and a twenty dollar bill on the counter as if he was afraid to touch Hux’s hand.

 

'Would you want a plastic bag?', he asked.

 

'Uhm… yes please…'

 

'Here you go! Have a nice evening!', Hux said and tried to give the man a smile.

 

'Thanks…you too…I…I am Kylo Ren by the way…', he said nevously still staring at his feet blushing which was actually very cute.

 

'Nice to meet you. I’m Armitage Hux…but please just call me Hux I hate my first name…'

 

'Oh I totally get it! Kylo Ren is only my alias...I think Ben Solo-Organa is just too long to sign paintings…'

 

The situation was extremely weird but Hux didn’t feel uncomfortable around Kylo.

 

'I…I think I’ll close the store now...Maybe you could come and visit me some day if your nearby…'

 

'Yes I’d love that! Maybe I could…uhm you know…show you some of my sketches…I mean only if you’re interested…'

 

'Sure…I mean I don’t know much about art but I’d love to see some of the stuff you made. Maybe next week on tuesday? We could trink some tea together…only if you like tea of course…'

 

'Sounds great Hux! Have a nice evening!'

 

And for the first time he looked Hux straight in the eye. _Oh my god his eyes..._ His eyes were brown with a hint of green in them but just a hint. And they were so big and so pretty Hux thought he might loose himself in them if he didn’t look away. His heart started racing and he suddenly felt too hot even if he only wore a light t-shirt for work.

Kylo smiled at him and waved as he left the store. He was long gone when Hux still stood there where he left him and stared at the closed door not able to move.

 

*****

 

He grabbed his big paintbrush and dipped into the deep blue acrylic paint. He did a few light strokes on the big white canvas but there was no way he could fool himself. Kylo was not in the mood to paint, not at all and he knew that it made no sense to push himself.

He cleaned his brush in an old plastic bucket that once used to contain popcorn, then he took the canvas outside on his balcony so it could dry in the summer heat. He really had promised himself to be patient but it wasn’t his nature to wait and overthink.

Kylo opened the buttons of his old shirt that he used to wear while painting. It originally belonged to Luke and it used to be light blue. Now it was cluttered with stains and could pass as some crazy designer piece. Luke gave it to him when he started art class in college because buying something only for the purpose to ruin it was such a waste of money.

It once was a birthday present from Leia but Luke never wore it. Kylo had to promise his uncle to never tell his mother about it and Kylo understood Luke so well. His parents always got him weird pajamas for Christmas as well as self-made pullovers that scrached horribly.

He lay it down next to his other painting utensils and walked back to the kitchen. It’s been two days since he’s been in the bookstore but he just couldn’t forget about the ginger behind the counter. Especially not if he haunted him in his dreams.

His tattoo was completely gone by now. Where it used to be was only blank skin with a few black moles and his a few strands of dark black hair. The look of it was foreign and felt so wrong. There was an emptyness inside him he couldn’t deny. It wasn’t right loosing his tattoo without being with his soulmate…that was not how it was supposed to be and he knew he could possibly change that.

He could go back to the store he wanted to buy the book anyways.

Maybe he could at least make an effort to get to know the man and he still had plenty of time to make up his mind.

Kylo grabbed a clean cup from the kitchen cupboard and poured himself some water. He never drank enough, he had no idea how people could drink three liters a day it was a miracle to him. He drowned the water and realized just how thirsty he was and poured himself annother cup.

Since he was still way too hot he decided to take a shower and get himself dressed. He should at least try to look decent when he planned to visit the man that could be his soulmate.

Kylo settled for his old Metallica tank top and and some plain mesh shorts. He did not want to go overboard and this was simply how he looked most oft he time. While he was rummaging through his wardrobe he found an old bandana Rey once gave to him. Perfect!

He jumped under the cold spray and nearly forgot time over it. If he had a chance he would probably try to live in the fridge in summer only to avoid the heat outside. Maybe he should move to Greenland or Alaska one day….

Kylo got himself dressed and was shocked when he looked at the clock. It was 8.25 p.m. already! _Shit!_

He quickly got himself dressed and tried to pin his hair back with the bandana which ended up looking really messy. No time to worry about that! Kylo gabbed his old chucks and his wallet as he jumped out oft he door and nealy ran down his old neighbour.

It was still hot outside and running felt twice as exhausting as it did on normal days. As Kylo ran around the corner he could see the ginger standing outside in front of his store. Seemed like he was smokeing… strange the man did not look like a smoker at all…

Kylo was totally out of breath as he reached the man…

 

'Excuse me!! Ist he bookstore still open??'

 

The man looked up from his cigarette completely off-guard. He wore a plain white t-shirt and some beige chinos. It was the same outfit he had worn in one of Kylo’s dreams…

Look-wise they were complete opposites but his mother used to say that opposites attract…

His lips were not really slim but not exactly full either and he had freckles all over his face. But what Kylo facinated the most were these piercing pale blue eyes that now examined him.

 

'Yeah sure we’re still open! Come in', he said as he lead the way. Suddenly Kylo got really nervous.

 

_What should he say? Should he tell him about his dreams? No! He would think that he’s mad! But if he was his soulmate shouldn’t he know???_

 

'How can I help you?'

 

_Oh yeah good question…You could just tell me that you know we’re soulmates and you could tell me that you’ve been waiting for me and maybe that you’re glad that I found you THAT would really help me…_

 

'Uhm… I’ve been here a few days ago and I left you a note…I’m not sure if you found it but I actually came to finally buy the book…'

 

_Yeah smoothe Kylo really smooth! If you keep stuttering like that he might kiss you so you'll shut you up…_

 

'Yeah sure I got it!', he simply said and walked behind the counter rummaging through a drawer. He lay the book on the counter and Kylo could see a huge neon green post-it note with K.R. neatly written on it. His heart made a little jump this handwriting looked very similar to the one he used to have on his forearm.

 

'Here you go! That’s thirty dollar please', he said giving Kylo a small smile.

 

Kylo’s hands were shaking and really sweaty. He grabbed his wallet and dropped the money on the counter. He knew it wasn’t exactly polite but he didn’t want the man to notice how sweatty his hands were.

 

'Would you want a plastic bag?', the man asked.

 

_C’mon Kylo say something!_

 

'Uhm… yes please…'

 

_Oh god_ …

 

'Here you go! Have a nice evening!', the man said giving him a warm smile.

 

_Oh gosh you really need to say something or else this conversation is over!_

 

'Thanks…you too…I…I am Kylo Ren by the way…'

 

_Oh really brilliant!_

 

It was like he had been replaced by a teenager the way he acted in front of this man. It remembered him of college when he tried to talk to the ginger from his art course…no maybe this was even worse.

 

'Nice to meet you. I’m Armitage Hux…but please just call me Hux I hate my first name…'

 

_Oh see you have something in common!!_

 

'Oh I totally get it! Kylo Ren is only my alias...I think Ben Solo-Organa is just to long to sign paintings…'

 

They stood in silence for a while. It was kinda awkward but he didn’t feel uncomfortable. Quite the contrary.

 

'I…I think I’ll close the store now...Maybe you could come and visit me if your nearby…'

 

Kylo couldn’t trust his own ears. The man…no…Hux has just invited him to visit again!

 

'Yes I’d love that! Maybe I could…uhm you know…show you some of my sketches…I mean only if you’re interested…'

 

_Don’t get your hopes up too high!_

_Too late…_

 

'Sure…I mean I don’t know much about art but I’d love to see some oft he stuff you made. Maybe next week on tuesday? We could trink some tea together…only if you like tea of course…'

 

Actually he didn’t like tea as much but he would gladly drink it if it meant he could be together with Hux…

 

'Sounds great Hux! Have a nice evening!'

 

He couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. He left the store and even as he stood outside he was still smiling and his heart was still beating really fast.

They were like day and night but Kylo already liked Hux. At first he was scared that they might not get along but now he was really hopeful that it might work out quite well. There was still the chance that he was wrong and Hux wasn’t his soulmate but Kylo just tried to ignore these negative thoughts. He hasn’t felt this happy since a long time and he didn’t want to ruin it.

 

*****

As soon as Hux was able to move again he locked the frontdoor and climbed the stairs to his appartment.

Milicent was already waiting for him on his couch. He was still smiling and whistled a song that was stuck in his head. She gave him a weird look and closed her eyes again. She probably thought that he’s gone insane.

Hux went to the kitchen to feed Mili and cook something for himself… acutally he nearly danced into the kitchen. He turned the radio on when he noticed _beautiful day by U2_. Hux turned the radio on full volume, what he never did, and started singing along.

It was strange feeling so happy but it felt so good and suddenly he was full of hope for the future and that his story might have a happy end…


	8. Kapitel sieben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all need help sometimes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here is chapter seven (:
> 
> Sadly I'll start school on monday and I'm graduating this year so I'll not be able to upload as frequently...
> 
> I know that Bérénice is a female name... it's not Huxs' fault... just some family traditions...  
> The song I talk about is 'Should I stay or should I go' by The Clash!  
> Also I was too lazy to correct the punctuation marks... I never changed the language on my programm from german to english xDD
> 
> Have fun reading <3

He sat in front oft he store smoking one cigarette after annother. Hux was a nervous wreck that’s why he had decided he really needed help from his best friend.

He had called Phasma the day after Kylo visited the bookstore. He was still shaking both from excitement and fear. Hux knew that he wasn’t able to think straight and asking Phas for help was the only reasonable thing to do.

He saw her approching the store in a white, long summer dress. Her hair in a neat bun and she wore this bright red lipstick which has always been her trademark. She was a tall but very elegant woman. When she saw him in front of the stoor she started to run.

‚HUUUUUX!!!‘

And suddenly he found himself in her arms not able to breathe. She squeazed him tightly not going to stop any time soon.

Hux felt safe in her arms with the familiar smell of coconut on her skin.

Phasma released him of her tight hold and frowned at him. She was clearly worried. But really she was always worried about him.

‚Ok you need to tell me everything! I want to know every single detail about this guy!‘

‚Do you mind going for a walk?‘

‚Lead the way!‘, she said giving him a warm smile.

Hux grabbed annother cigarette from his pack which was nearly empty now.

‚This stuff is going to kill you one day!‘

‚Phas please…And I’m going to die anyways smoking or not…‘

 

He knew it wasn’t a good argument and he knew she hated it. The first time she caught him Phas had drowned his cigaretts in the toilet…She always cared for his health since his parents were constantly out of the country on business trips. They really had a brother-sister relationship.

She rolled her eyes at his comment but said nothing more. They continued walking down the street in silence for a few minutes. They passed the Bakery when Phasma suddenly stopped him.

‚Please Hux this is horrible! Just talk to me…What’s going on with this guy you mentioned on the phone?‘

Hux stopped walking and stared at his feet feeling a bit guilty.

‚It’s complicated… I think he might be my soulmate…‘

‚WHAT???? How do you know??‘

She looked just as shocked as Hux when he found that his tattoo was gone.

‚Look my tattoo has vanished and I had this strange dream about him…‘

He pulled his sleeve up as if to provide proof that his arm was really empty now.

‚Oh man it‘s really is gone…‘, she stared at his arm for a minute. Then she shook her had and continued.

‚How have you two met each other?‘

Hux let out a deep breath.

‚He was in my store a few days ago. He left me a note and I recognized his handwriting…And yesterday he came back and he was really nervous…I mean I was nervous as well… I kinda invited him for tuesday…‘

‚Oh gimme a second… You have met him only a few days ago?‘

‚Yes… that’s when my tattoo disapeared… and now I’ve invited him I mean he seems to be a really artsy person and he always wears black…Phas what if he thinks I’m boring??? What if he doesn’t like me???‘

Hux felt like he was loosing control again…Phasma noticed it immediately.

She hugged him once more petting his head. ‚Just try to calm down okay? And you’re definitly not boring! Are you listening? You’re such a smart, handsome guy and he is lucky if you’re really his soulmate! I think it’s good that you invited him so you two get to know each other a little better…I mean fate is one thing but you don’t really know anything about each other…‘, she continued rubbin his back and Hux just tried to concentrate on her voice.

‚But I’m not sure what to wear and what we should talk about… Gosh I feel like this is my first date…‘

He was still shaking, holding on to her like she was his anchor and he a little boat caught in a horrible storm.

‚That’s simple!‘, she said ‚Just wear something you feel comfortable in. If you dress up to much you’ll feel weird and end up not acting like yourself! And there is plenty things you could talk about!‘

‚For example?‘

‚You could tell him something about books and literature, maybe even recommend something…or you just listen to him for a while. Most people like it if others truly pay attention to what they have to say. See it’s not hard just be yourself!‘, Phas smiled at him and Hux felt like she was waay too sure about this.

‚What if he doesn’t like books? What if he isn’t interested in literature?‘

‚C’mon you two met in a bookstore. He has to have at least a little interest in books! And you could help him getting into it! Just try your best and fate will do the rest Hux.‘

‚I just wished I was a little more confident…‘

‚You just told me that he was nervous as well so I bet you’re not the only one worrying.‘

 

*****

‚Finn…I need your help…‘

‚Hey Ren! Are you okay? Has something happened??‘, Finn sounded really worried as he picked up the phone.

‚Finn I think I found my soulmate…‘

‚That’s awsome!!! I’m so happy for you two!!‘

‚No… wait…were not together yet…‘

‚Huh? Why’s that??‘

‚I don’t know if he knows and we kinda have a date on tuesday …Finn I don’t know what to do it’s my first date in years…I don’t want to ruin this…‘

‚Ok ok man I get you! Just try to calm down a little! So tell me how have you even met??‘

‚Originally on a train two years ago...‘

‚WHAT??? You never told me…‘

‚Because I simply did not know…I recognized him only because  I made a sketch of him while we were on the train…‘

‚If you met him again after two years it has to be fate man! And how have you two met again?‘

‚I went to this bookstore a few days ago and I recognized him…I ran home and looked at the sketch I made and they were excactly identical!‘

‚Wow that’s a great story I like it!‘, he could hear that Finn was smiling.

‚Yeah but were like day and night…I mean you know me and this guy he… he is so pretty and neat…just the opposite of me really…‘

‚Oh c’mon Ren! Don’t be like this… You know you’re a great guy! You’re an artist and a really talented one and you have a good heart! He’ll be such a lucky man if he got you as his soulmate.‘

‚I’m not sure Finn… What if I bore him… I mean I don’t know much about literature and books…‘

‚Oh Ren I know nothing about cars and still I’m together with Poe so what’s the problem??‘

‚Yeah I know but you’re such a nice guy and everyone loves you…‘

‚That’s not true either! Do you remember this huge guy in our art class I had a big crush on?‘

‚Yeah I remember that… Oh man I still hate him for ripping your love letter!!‘

‚Yeah that was awful…But let’s not talk about me! Please don’t worry about your date I bet it’ll be awsome. Just wear what ever you feel comfortable in and be yourself! He’ll love you for who you are not what you wear or your knowledge of literature ok?‘

‚I guess you’re right…?‘

‚Yes I am! We both know that! And do not forget to call me again and tell me how it went Ben Solo-Organa!‘

‚Suuuure mooom!!‘

‚Take care Ren! See ya!‘

‚Bye Finn and thanks for your help…‘

Kylo hung up and walked to the kitchen...

*****

 

‚Ok Armitage Bérénice Hux! Have you eaten anything today??‘

‚I’ve had breakfast…‘

‚Not enough it’s already 2: 37 p.m.! C’mon we’ll go get something to eat‘, Phas was not even waiting for Hux to respond and just grabbed his hand and pulled him with her.

They stopped at a little restaurant on the east side of town. It was italien and Hux hasn’t had pizza in a while. His stomache agreed with Phasma that it was time to get some food.

They choose a nice spot outside on the patio with a nice view of the sea. The sky was blue and there were no clouds at all only a few seagulls probably looking for fish.

A waiter came and gave each of them a menue asking if they already decided what they wanted to drink. They both ordered some red wine and a bottle water.

Hux scrolled through the menue and decided to get a pizza with seafood while Phasma settled for pasta al pomodoro. The waiter ame back with their drinks and immediatly took their orders as he went back to the kitchen.

Hux took a sip of his wine and looked at the sea. Sometimes he’d imagined being a mermaid swimming with the fish. It must feel just as good as flying he thought to himself but he never wanted to be a bird since he was afraid of heights. He wished he could just transform into a mermaid and leave his old life behind.

‚Hux…please stop worrying!‘, Phasma had noticed him staring into the distance. She took his hand and gently rubbed the back of it. ‚Everything is going to be allright okay? Even Poe has managed to find someone in the end and we both know just how awkward he is…‘

‚Yeh but Poe is self-confident while I am not plus he’s a huge handsome guy which comes in handy…‘

‚Oh c’mon do you remember how nervous he was when he had his first date? I know somone who helped him picking out the right outfit…If I remember correctly it was you!‘

‚Giving advice is much easier if you’re not in the situation yourself…‘

‚True but you see that it worked out perfectly! I bet you’ll do just as great as he did…‘

They shortly got interrupted by the waiter who brought their food. Hux grabbed his knife and fork and tried hard to distract himself with his pizza. He wanted to stop thinking about his love life for a second…

And really the food was simply delicious! The crust was not too big and not too small and the toppings were perfect. Hux loved scampi and the tomato sauce was awsome. He’d totally forgotten how much he loved Frutti di Mare.

‚Oh wow it’s a miracle! Hux is hungry!! I’ll make a big red cross in my calendar‘

‚Oh c’mon Phas stop teasing me!! I do enjoy food from time to time…‘, He said trying to sound serious.

‚I’ll keep that in mind‘, she said grinning at him.

 

*****

 

He knew Finn was right. It’s all or nothing and if he really wanted this man to like him he needed to get himself together. Normally he wasn’t shy and did not care what people thought of him but Hux was different.

Hux was likely to be his soulmate…the person he’s been looking for…the person he gave up on and the person that filled him with new hope fort he future.

It may be childish because he didn’t even knew this man but he believed in his fate and he believed in his dreams. He had seen Hux grow up since they both were little. He had screamed and cried because he thought he’d never wake up and now…now he had found him in real life.

He was real everything about him was real and he certainly wasn’t a robot! He was charming young man with flesh and skin!

Soulmates were a strange thing … One second you’re nothing more than strangers and the other you’re deeply in love…This made no sense at all but feelings never did…

His parents were living proof. His dad was awkward reckless while his mother was sensible and always tried to save the world. But despite their differences they still loved each other dearly.

Thinking about it would only confuse him more…He grabbed Luke’s old shirt and his acrylic paints. Kylo would start over again. He wasn’t happy with the Prussian blue. He dipped his big paintbrush in black acrylic paint.

This was much better it nearly looked like a sunset, maybe with a little orange and yellow…

_…It's always tease, tease, tease_

_  
You're happy when I'm on my knees..._

Oh!! He knew this song…

_  
...One day it's fine and next it's black_

_  
So if you want me off your back…_

_  
Well, come on and let me know_

_  
Should I stay or should I go?..._

His radio was on full volume anyways so Kylo just decided to sing along. Maybe he was already loosing his mind who knew?

 

*****

 

Phasma was gone now and Hux was alone in his apartment. He was still full from the pizza so he just went to the kitchen and feed Milicent.

He noticed a few dirty dished in his sink and decided that it was time to clean. He filled the sink with warm water and grabbed a sponge. It was very quiet in his apartment so he decided listening to music wouldn’t hurt.

He turned the radio on and stopped… he knew this song…

_…Darling you got to let me know_

_  
Should I stay or should I go?_

_  
If you say that you are mine_

_  
I'll be here 'til the end of time_

_  
So you got to let me know_

_  
Should I stay or should I go?..._


	9. Kapitel acht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for the first date???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi here I am again!  
> I know it took me a while but school is very busy and I didn't feel like writing at all. I had zero motivation and I was never happy with what I wrot but I got over myself and here is chapter 8!!
> 
> I hope you'll like it! There are only three more chapters to go and I really love these characters soo I might turn this into a series... we will see (:
> 
> Have fun reading!!

He looked at the clock on his nightstand. It was 10 a.m. already. Kylo jumped out of his bed, streching himself a few times. He wasn’t tired anymore which was a miracle since he had stayed up till three a.m. He would meet Hux again today and he was far too excited and nervous.

Last night he decided that sketching might calm him but it hadn’t worked quite the contrary, it made him stay up even longer. He had started a sketch of Hux’s bookstore he wanted to give to him as a present today. He thought that Hux might like it but he was also worried of Hux reaction. He still felt like he wasn’t good enough for him but he had to push these thoughts away. This pessimism wouldn’t help him now.

He slowly walked to his kitchen in need of a huge coffee. He gabbed the  bag of coffee beans and refilled his machine. The bag was already halfway empty… He blamed his stress and just took a random mug from his cupboard.

All Kylo cared about these days was Hux and this date today. He kept trying to figure out what to wear and had called Finn at least three times and even Rey which really showed how miserable he was.

And they both told him to wear what ever he felt comfortable in and just be himself. But who was he anyways?? He was just a small artist that was a huge mess. One look at Hux had told him that tidiness was important to him. Just how he had arranged the books in his store. Everything was alphabetically ordered nothing out of place.

Kylo’s room was pure chaos. His bed was never made, there were clothes, paints and empty fast-food containers on the floor and he shared his room with a few spiders. Kylos room was a waste dump and Hux’s bookstore a museum.

They really were like day and night.

He finished his coffe and went to his wardrobe. Now he could understand what his sister meant when she complained that she had nothing to wear. He stared at his clothes that were almost all black.

 

*****

Hux woke up at eight a.m. but he felt like he hadn’t slept at all. The whole night he was over thinking and everytime he closed his eyes he saw Kylo’s face. It was thursday and he was a nevous wreck. He got up feeling a little sick and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

Hux walked to the bathrom to get started with his morning routine. As he looked in the morror he was shocked. Apparently he was able to get even paler than he already was…Great! This was a moment when he wished he had some sort of make up to conceal his imperfections.

He sighed and just grabbed his toothbrush. Kylo Ren or not he had to open his store on time.

Hux splashed some cold water in his face which really helped him to get fully awake. He looked at his cologne on the shelf and decided that he could use some today. Once he was fully satisfied with his hairstyle he walked to the kitchen.

Milli was already sitting in front of her bowls patiently waiting for her breakfast. Hux tickled he behind her ears which he knew she appreciated and grabbed her cat food.

For himself he made black tea with milk and honey and some toasted bagle with cream cheese. It was his favourite breakfast and he knew a good breakfast was the base of a good day.

Once the clock hit nine he grabbed his keys and walked downstairs to open the store. But he just couldn’t stop thinking about Kylo. He wasn’t sure which tea he should make and if Kylo preferred green or black tea or even peppermint? And Phas said he should tell him something about books… Maybe he would like SiFi or Fantasy or maybe Thriller?? He was absolutely clueless because he just did not know much about Kylo.

Probably it was the best to wait for him and then decide which tea he should make, yes he was sure that would be the best decition!

 

*****

 

He stood in the mirror around him huge piles of clothes. It was so frustrating he could have cried. He really wanted to show Hux how much he cared about their meeting but how? Currently he was wearing a black tank top with black shorts but maybe this was not appropriate? Maybe he showed too much skin?? But he couldn’t wear his old washed out band shirts either…

If he wore long sleeves and long jeans he’d get way too hot in the summer sun and sweating wasn’t really appealing. He started digging through some of the piles again and suddenly found a brand new plain black t-shirt he didn’t know it exsisted. It wasn’t really exciting but it wasn’t a risk either…perfect!

That he could pair with his black shorts and voilà his outfit was nearly finished! He grabbed a pair of clean socks and some boxershorts. He looked at the clock again and it was one p.m. If he arrived at two p.m. it wouldn’t be too early but not too late either he decided and walked to the bathroom.

He looked in the mirror and saw his silver piercings sticking out between his black curly hair. Maybe he should cover them? But Hux had already seen them anyways and what should he do about these silly black moles?

When he was younger he used to steal his sisters make up but now? He stared in the morror and his reflection stared back at him. He imagined himself without the moles and decided that he wouldn’t be himself anymore without them and he remembered what Finn told him just a few days ago.

He turned away from the morror and stepped into the shower. There was no time to linger he had to get ready and he didn’t want to be late like the last time. So he just tried to get over with his shower routine.

As he stepped out oft he shower it was 1:27 p.m. and he realized that he had skipped breakfast already and he nearly skipped lunch as well. Kylo just wrapped the towel around his hips and walked to the kitchen. He still had a few eggs and some bacon in his fridge. He really needed to go grocery shopping this week!

He took a pan out of the cupboard and put some oil in it. As soon as the pan was hot enough he stared adding the eggs and bacon. There was also some toast left and it suddenly reminded him of a meal his grandmother used to make for him when he was little. It was a quick but very yummy dish an das a kid Kylo used to love it.

It made him really nostalgic suddenly and kinda sad because his grandmother was long gone.

 

*****

Hux kept staring at the clock and he realized that they didn’t even set a time. So he had no clue when Kylo would show up which made him even more nervous. He always had the fear that people wouldn’t show up because he had it happen a lot to him in the past. But if Kylo was his soulmate there was no way he’d do that.

Instead of thinking he tried really hard to concentrate on his customers but the store wasn’t very busy which made it quite difficult. After a while he started to check if any books were in the wrong shelfs but to his surprise there wasn’t even one book in the wrong spot.

A patron came in looking very concerned and asked Hux if he didn’t feel well because he looked so pale. He denyed that makeing a mental note to check his appearance once again in the mirror before Kylo showed up.

He was like a tiger walking circles in his cage and he litterally had no idea what to do with himself. He just prayed that Kylo wouldn’t make him wait much longer when suddenly a man fully clothed in black enterd the store. And it was Kylo, thank god!

 

*****

He just finished his meal and it was 1:55 p.m. Oh shit! He really needed to get a move on! He jumped in his clothes and rushed to his room. He passed a bottle of cologne and decided that this was the perfect occation to finally use it!

He grabbed his portfolio and a small bag to carry it. He went back to the foyer and realized that there was no way he could wear his old ripped chucks. They looked like they would fall apart at any time so he took his black vans. They were a bit ripped as well but not as much as his chucks. He really needed some new shoes but there was not time for this. He jumped out of his apartment and a glimpse at his watch told him that it was 2:06 p.m. It was still early enough! He forced himself not to run and to stay calm becaus he didn’t want to come across as the mental wreck he was.

He could see the sign from a far and his heart started racing like he was running a marathon. He tried some breathing techniques Finn had taught him and he really felt like it worked. One last deep breath and he grabbed the doorknob.

 

*****

It really was him! On the one hand Hux was relieved that Kylo really showed up but on the other hand he got even more nervous. And he looked handsome as always which made Hux knees get weak.

He tried his best to act normal and gave him a bright smile.

'Hi! I’m glad you came!'  _Oh god Hux you’re just lame!_

'Hey! Sure I mean I told you I’d come right?' Kylo smiled back at Hux and it made Hux feel fuzzy-headed.

'Uhm… I wasn’t quite sure which tea you preferred so I thought I’d let you decide…'

'Can I be honest with you?',he said scratching the back of his head like a child. _Cute!_

'Sure!'

'I’m really more of a coffee person…', he blushed and looked at his feet again.

_Oh … I never thought of that…._

'Oh I’m sorry I’m a tea person and I don’t even own coffee beans…' Hux knew that he stared blushing as well and he felt so stupid that he never thought twice about it. Sure there were people that disliked tea…that was obvious…

'That’s no problem at all! I just had coffee this morning! I’d take some water instead.'  _Oh god Kylo’s smile was all he’d ever need…_

'Sure gimme a second! By the way could you turn the sign on the door I want to close the store for a while.'

'Yepp!'

Hux ran upstairs and nearly tipped over Milli which wanted to greet him. He took two glasses and a bottle of water as well as a pack saltsticks.

When he came down the stairs Kylo still stood there. Maybe he should invite him to his appartment…His couch was way more comfotable…or was it too early for this…?

'Kylo? Just come upstares!'

Kylo turned around surprised but followed him immeadiately.

'Just leave your shoes in the foyer.'

'Okay!'

They walked to the living room and settled at the couch. Millicent immediately followed and jumped on Kylo’s lap.

'Oh no Milli! Sorry I hope you’re not allergic to cats?'

'No! Don’t worry she’s adorable!'

Kylo started stoking her fur and Millicent began to purr loudly. His cat liked him which was a really good sign and he liked his cat which was good as well! Perfect!

'Uhm I mean we could watch TV but I don’t own any DVD’s…'

'Oh no I actually brought my sketches…I mean only if you’re interested…' and looking at Hux with these puppy eyes Hux nealy forgot his own name.

'Yes… sure! I’d love to see them!'

Kylo took a portfolio out of his back and Hux tried hard not to show too much that he was really excited. He wasn’t artistic at all so artistic people really facinated him.

'Uhm this is a bulding in my home town. When I was a kid I used to draw the houses in my neighbour hood…It’s nothing special…'Kylo gave Hux the small sketch to take a closer look.

'I think it’s amazing! I mean all these details…it nearly looks like a photograph!' It was really amazing! Hux was truely impessed.

'Oh that’s nothing it’s quite old…' Kylo started playing with his wavy black hair again and Hux would have given everything to touch it.

They sat really close on the couch and looked at some skeches Kylo has made through the years when suddenly one sketch caught Hux eye.

'Uhm…Can I see this one?'

'Oh… you mean that? It’s…like maybe I need to explain something before…', but Hux had already grabbed the sketch and stared at it in disbelieve.

It showed a young man sitting on a bench reading a book. You could see the face a little and Hux immediatle recognized the man.

'That’s…that’s…I mean is that me?'

'Yeah…you know… we met each other two years ago on a train ride…I used to make sketches of random people for practice…'

'This was around Christmas right?'

'Yes I was on my way home…'

'How…how long did you know?'

'Know…what?'

'That I’m the man from the train…?'

'The day I entered your store fort he first time…I mean I wasn’t sure but I went home and…the man looked excactly like you…But to be honest I know you far longer than that.'

Hux couldn’t trust his ears. Even longe? He couldn’t remember that he had seen Kylo before they met in his store and there it was again this weird feeling in his stomache like a thousand bees were in his belly flying in every possible direction.

'I have dreamed about you since I was very little. I always wake up and start looking for you and when I find you I try to wake you but you never woke until a few days ago…I know it might be a shock to you and I know you might think I’m insane but Hux I truly believe you’re my soulmate!'


	10. Kapitel neun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux suddenly went really pale and it looked a little like he had just seen his grandmother’s ghost. He was shaking and still staring at Kylo in disbelieve. 
> 
> Ok that’s it Kylo. You’ve ruined it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow Im sooooo sorry...It took me ages to update this fanfic ;-;  
> School is very busy and I'm leaving for an intership in two weeks... and to be honest I wasn't really motivated to write anything, so that's why I'm so late...
> 
> I hope you'll still enjoy thos chapter (tbh I wrote it in two days bc I need to start studyig).
> 
> If you want to talk about kylux / star wars here is my tumblr: starluxkywars.tumblr.com
> 
> If the punctuation seems off to you, well I'm too lazy to change the grammar from german to english....

Hux suddenly went really pale and it looked a little like he had just seen his grandmother’s ghost. He was shaking and still staring at Kylo in disbelieve.

_Ok that’s it Kylo. You’ve ruined it!_

Suddenly he could feel Hux’s hands on his arms and it hurt because he grabbed him so hard. He eagerly pulled Kylo closer who was completly taken aback of the sudden attack. Time seemed to stand still and Hux was now so close Kylo could smell his cologne and shampoo on him. He lost his balance and what happened wasn’t really a nice gentle kiss, it was more like two galaxies dashing into each other.

Kylo’s brain was blank. He stopped thinking for a moment and the world around him disappeard. The only thing he felt was the pain from Hux grasp and his teeth on Kylo’s buttom lip. It was painfull but it felt so good. He couln’t really describe the feeling. He felt everything and nothing at once.

The shock that Hux might reject him was still in his bones, but also the relief that his journey had come to an end. Hux clinged onto him like a drowning man to a life saver.

It was such a terrible kiss but that’s exectly what they’ve needed. They were misfits and full of flaws, still found each other in a place they never thought they would.

Kylo could taste a little salt on his lips and he was wondering if he or Hux had started crying.

He pulled the other man in a little closer until Hux ended up on his lap. Their lips parted only for a second but the loss of contact still felt horrible. Hux had never thought that he craved physical contact that much.

Kylo’s lips were a little chapped but he didn’t care. Not anymore. He’s been so sure that he didn’t exsist that he clinged onto him, scared he could suddenly disappear.

He smelled like sunlotion and cologne and his dark long hair was so incedibly soft. He was sitting on Kylo’s lap now and he realized just how big Kylo was. He could hide himself behind Kylo if he wanted to. It made him feel vulnerable but protected at the same time.

He still clinged onto Kylo’s arms and he knew he probably hurt him but letting go felt impossible in this situation.

He felt Kylo’s tongue on his lips as he slowly opened his mouth letting him in. Oh god it’s been ages since he kissed anyone like this and he was a little embarassed but it felt way too good to care.

Kylo tasted like coffee, mint and something Hux couldn’t really describe.

Everything felt so soft and wet and the kiss was very sloppy but he didn’t care and even if he didn’t really knew what he was doing he still continued.

It felt like hours when they parted, both out of breath, eyes red and swollen from crying. Kylo looked at him in awe and he gently brushed a strand of Hux’s red hair out of his face.

They just smiled at each other both not sure what to say, not to ruin the moment.

It all kinda made sense now. The dreams he had and the weird feeling around him. They both had given up and both lost their faith but in the end their faith got restored and they will fight side by side from now on.

It’s like these huge jigsaws Hux mother used to do all the time. It was this satisfying feeling of finally putting the last piece in his place, looking at the finished picture.

And he remembered the afternoon he had taken the train two years ago. He can remember the young man with his huge black coat and how they sat in silence for hours but it hasn’t been awkward at all.

Maybe that has been the first sign and really fate was strange and how it decided to reveal itself in such random moments.

Kylo had seen them together a long time ago when Hux was still unaware of their deep conection. And he felt the same pain he had feelt in all these dreams over and over again but now it was more bitter-sweet. He knew he had to let go of his dreams and the small boy he had seen over and over again but he would replace him with the man he had grown to be. This man was real, his dreams were not and that made him feel overjoyed. Letting go of the dreams he had clinged onto and finally starting his life…no… it was more like living his dream.

The sat like this on the sofa for hours and no one dared to say a word but finally Hux broke the silence.

‚--Kylo--I know it’s too early--but would you stay here, please?‘

‚--Yes I’d very much like to stay.‘

Hux layed his arms around Kylo’s neck and pulled him into annother deep hug.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

They went to bed early but they both couldn’t sleep. They were still too excited to sleep so they just lay in silence cuddling and listening to the others heartbeat. They both had no idea where they’d go from here but they were sure they’d got together. They were meant to be and most soulmates never parted. It was finally something stable in both of their lifes.

Not that Hux’s life was very exciting and he never did something risky but still…The idea of coming home to someone you loved filled him with warmth. They were an unusual pair but they’d get along he was sure of that.

The future was bright and for the first time in ages he felt hope.

Kylo held Hux in his strong arms. Maybe a little too tight but Hux didn’t mind. Kylo had his eyes closed and his long, thick lashes nearly touched his cheeks. His pale skin nearly glowed in the moonlight. He was just so beautiful it nearly made Hux cry.

Lying so close together wasn’t really comfotable due to the summerheat but they both refused to let go of the other. Hux was sure that by now Kylo was asleep. His breath was calm and steady and he didn’t make a sound. Hux stared at him and started counting his moles, hoping that he’d fall asleep as well.

He tried to turn a little in Kylo’s firm grip to get a little more comfortable. He wasn’t used to share his bed but now that he had a boyfriend he’ll get used to it soon.--Yeah true he had a BOYFRIEND. Oh. He liked the sound of it.

 Kylo shifted a little in his sleep and Huy readjusted himself. A few minutes later he was asleep himself. He dreamed that he was walking on grass but this time he wasn’t alone. He was holding hands with someone. Hux looked to his side and smiled. The man walking beside him was Kylo and as Hux looked at him he smiled back.

 

~*~*~*~

 

He woke up and felt that there was something heavylying on his right arm. Strange. His eyes still needed to adjust to the light. Oh. It was so light. Too light. Had he forgotten to close his curtains last night when he went to bed? No. Impossible!

He started looking around and saw that this was not his duvet cover. He only owned black ones he was sure of that. Besides this room was waaay too tidy to be his own. He looked to his right and saw a mop of bright orange hair. Oh. Oh. OH.

And then the events of yesterday came back to his mind. He was in Hux room--in Hux bedroom--in Hux bed with Hux in his arms. He was in a bed with his soulmate--and now boyfriend. His heart made a little jump. Waking up next to his soulmate was a new but amazing experience.

Hux turned a little in Kylo’s arms and he saw that Hux was still asleep. His head was now lying on Kylo’s chest, using Kylo as his pillow. He could feel Hux warm breath on his skin. Hux hair was a mess and Kylo was sure he’d be very embarrased about that but Kylo loved it. His translucent eylashes were facinating him and these freckles--god--he loved them! He wanted to kiss every one of them even though that seemed to be impossible.

He let his hand wander to Hux’s back and started stroking him gently not to wake him too early. He wasn’t an early bird himself but the rom was just too light for his body to go back to rest.

He just kept stareing at Hux for a while. He needed to remember every detail so he could draw him later. Maybe he coud ask Hux to sit for him and he could create a proper portrait of him.

Hux suddenly opened his eyes and looked around his room in confusion. Kylo couldn’t blame him, he had been disoriented himself. He chuckled a bit when Hux looked at him with disbelieve.

‚Good morning honey!‘

‚--oh--Good morning to you too.‘

After a few more minutes of lying in bed they both decided that a breakfast was much needed. They went to the bathroom first and Hux led Kylo a toothbrush. They stood in front oft he mirror and played the game of ‚Who’s going to stop brushing first‘. In the end Kylo lost and Hux stopped only a minute after him. It was a little awkward but not in a bad way. It was natural that they didn’t know how to act around each other. It all was still fresh and in the end they still didn’t know much about each other. Hux was sure time would take care of that as he walked towards the kitchen.

 

~*~*~*~

 

It’s been a week now and they were practically living together. Kylo had brought more stuff from his own appartment like his art supplies, so he could work in Hux living room. When Hux was downstairs in the shop, Kylo would paint and feed Millicent. She was a good companion and even better she stood still perfectly. Kylo had decided paint her for a customer of his because she really was a real beauty.

It seemed like the cat liked his attention. Other than Millicent her owner did not like to sit still so trying to paint Huy was a real pain in the ass. He always moved or complained that his butt hurt. It drove Kylo crazy. Kylo thought about fixing this problem for a while now when it hit him like a train. Books! All he needen to do was giving Hux a book to read! Why didn’t he thought of this earlyer?? It was so obvious!

Hux choose a particularly thick book and started reading. He was deep in thoughts and just as focused as he had been the day they met on the train.

Kylo smirked. This was going to work and it showed Hux in his natural habitat. Painting him was easy now that he didn’t shift his position every two seconds. Millicent was lying behind him on the couch, purring, enjoying the company.

They stopped after a good hour and Huy complained that he was disturbed at a particularly thrilling part. Kylo smiled and neatly put his supplies away. He really tried hard not to disturb Hux order.

It was his part to cook today and he walked up to the kitchen. He actually wore an apron while cooking which made him feel like a real househusband. His life had changed so much in only a week it was facinating. Hux really had a good influence on him, his mother would love him and probably arrange their wedding behind their back. Which reminded him that he might call his mother in the next few days.

She kinda deserved to know even if they’d only been together for seven days. Thanksgiving would come soon and Hux and Kylo had decided that they wanted to visit Kylo’s family first. Also he hasn’t called Finn yet and he knew he would lecture him that he was ought to know fist. Oh wow. His mother or Finn, well THAT was a hard decition and despite of how he’d decided one oft he two would sulk at least for a week or so.

He let out a deep breath as someone suddenly wraped his arms around him.--No--Not someone--his boyfriend.


	11. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update

Hi this is not a new chapter obviously... it's just an update on this work....  
I'm not happy with my writing and I personally don't think that I'm talented enough to write okay... I don't have enough confidence in my abilitys...  
but don't get me wrong...I'm not fishing for compliments I just wanted to ask if anyone is still interested in a proper end or not... I know how frustrating it is if authors just abandon their work...so maybe let me know in the comments?

Hope you all have nice holidays,

xoxo Hanna


	12. Kapitel Zehn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sky was pitch black and the stars looked like diamonds sprakling on a velvet curtain. The clouds were gone and the snow had stopped falling. It was nearly impossible to make out where the street started and the side-walk ended. Covert by this heavy white blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just leave this here. Ignore the many mistakes I've made.
> 
>  
> 
> In memory of Chester Bennington *20.03.1976-†20.07.2017

The sky was pitch black and the stars looked like diamonds sprakling on a velvet curtain. The clouds were gone and the snow had stopped falling. It was nearly impossible to make out where the street started and the side-walk ended. Covert by this heavy white blanket.

All the windows were already filled with fary-lights and christmas ornaments. It looked like a Kinkade, too pretty to be real. Like a dream that never wanted to end. But it was time to go and he knew it. He couldn’t sit here forever. His time has come and gone but there was no turning back.

He grabbed his long black coat and matching black scarf. The snow cracked under his boots. It felt like he was all alone in this world. The only sound coming from his boots. No children outside, no other pedesdrians on the street.

The snow underneath his feet were the perfect contrast to his dark appearance. The artist in him was always aleart. Sometimes he wished he could switch his thoughts off and enjoy the silence for a moment. But his brain was never silent and it wouldn’t start today.

He knew he was supposed to rush but the danger of slipping and falling on the ground was way too high and he wasn’t very keen of the idea of spending christmas in a hospital. Hux would definitly kill him if the snow didn’t do it.

Hux liked the cold. He was happy that summer was over and life in his little bookstore became more bearable. Even Millie seemed more active. Kylo on the other hand new that his winter depression would come back once the nights got longer and the days shorter. Every year it was the same old thing, same old story.

He tried to use all this negative energy and transfer it into art. Creating from destruction. And this year it should be particularly esay for him since he had finally found his long lost better half. But one tradition wouldn’t change not even this year. And it was useless to run away from it or to hide. He knew it was nessecary and he knew it would come to an end eventually but he wasn’t ready to face his family again.

True it’s been a year but twelve months come and go so fast and every year they go by faster. Like time was running away from him and every year in december it was time to go home again.

What’s home?

Not that house he grew up, not his old appartment, not his old dorm room in college. Home wasn’t a place it was more a feeling. A feeling he never had meeting his parents. But it was time, time again and he really had hoped he wouldn’t have to face it alone this year but Hux was busy with his own folks and Kylo tried to respect that.

They had decided to go to the trainstation together. A few days ago that had felt like a good idea. At the moment not so much.

Only two weeks until the new year. Kylo was sure it was going to be a good year for both of them. They would finally move in together and maybe…maybe if Kylo had the guts he would ask Hux to marry him but between him and that fresh start were two weeks, fourteen days 336 hours, 20, 160 minutes.

He knew it was important for his mother. The whole family united during the holidays but were they really a family? His sister still hated him he was sure of that. His uncle dissapointed, not even nearly as dissapointed as his father. His mother always busy with politics. It felt like these people lived on a planet lightyears away from Kylos life here in this small little town with his boyfriend and their cat.

The city was huge and cold. Everyone only cared for themselfs, no neighbours that would help each other out. The big advertisements in the streets with those awful neon-lights. In the city it was impossible to see the stars as bright as here.

 

 

*****

He kept on walking and reached Huxs book store just in time. A taxi was already waiting in front of the store. Kylo wasn’t sure if they would reach the trainstation in time and he really hoped they wouldn’t, one day less to endure.

The driver greeted him. He was wearing a thick green pullover over blue jeans. On his head one of those horrible fur hats Kylo remembered his uncle wearing and bright red gloves. He grabbed Kylos suitcase and put it to Huxs in the truck compartment.

Hux was already sitting in the back of the car. As always he was reading  a book, so deep in tought that he winced when Kylo placed a kiss on his cheek.

‚God Kylo! Are you still living!??‘

‚It‘s a little cold outside if you haven’t noticed…‘, he smiled and really tried to hide his feelings from Hux.

He had enough trouble on his own and Hux should enjoy his vacation instead of worrying. He had worked his ass of all year long he deserved it.

Kylo tried to make himself as comfortable as possible which was hard concidering his stupid long legs. They didn’t make these cars for people like him.

He decided to rest his head on Hux‘s shoulder breathing in his sweet perfume. Oh god was it possible to miss someone even when the were sitting so close to you? A warm feeling filled his body followed from a cold shiver. He loved him so much and the weren’t apart since that day in july. Only when Hux met his friend Phasma Kylo stayed at home to give them some privacy but they had shared beds and meals and watched tv toghether and he was faced with two long weeks without kissing or hugging Hux.

His partner must have felt that something was very wrong. He lay his arm around Kylo pulling him closer. In Huxs arms he felt safe and despite the low temeratures outside, very warm. Never even in his brightes dreams he could’ve imagine Hux the way he was. He balanced Kylos life like nobody’s ever done before and that made Kylo feel overjoyed and scared at the same time. What would he do without Hux? Was there a life without Hux?

He had heard that many soulmates shared their fate even in death. And it was only logical that Kylos life would end once Huxs time has come.

He thought about it regularly, annother side effect from his winter depression. The darkness outside tried to creep into his soul and fill it with fear. He’d do anything for Hux but sometimes he wasn’t sure if everything was even enough. Hux was an angel sent from heaven and Kylo was just a spoiled child. Maybe he wasn’t worth it at all. But Hux was bound to him until the end of time and he needed to pull himself together and try …

 

*****

 

The landscape flew by and to his surprise they really managed to reach the trainstation in time. Felt like a deja vu. He could remember that one day years ago, like it has been yesterday. That day he met Hux for the first time but was too blind to see what was right in front of him. Fate had misterious ways to bind two souls, he would never understand.

Hux looked him right in the eye and Kylo couldn’t do anything than just staring. Those bright eyes full of life and optimism, while his own were dark and stared back in anger everytime he looked in the mirror these days. They were living proof that opposites attract.

Kylo just closed his eyes so he could concentrate on Huxs lips. They were thin but very soft and smelled like honey and wax. If this moment could just last forever…He wished he could just conserve it in a bottle and take it with him.

As he opend his eyes again he could see Huxs smile. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He knew what this meant. They were already at this point were words were no longer need. Huy had to go. His train would arrive in only five minutes and Kylo had to let him. He had to leave himself but he couldn’t help an stare as Hux dissapeared in a crowd of people.

It had started snowing again and Kylos hair was already damp. Catching a could wasn’t a good idea so he slowly started walking towards the entrance hall.

There were people greeting their loved once and family reuinions every where around him but also people saying good bye. What a strange place to be he thought and kept walking. A glimpse on his watch told him that he needed to hurry up and even if it was such a nice idea to take the next train and have some more time on his own he knew he couldn’t run away for ever. Sooner or later he had to take this train and face his family.

So he started running.

The platform was crowded, people pushing an pulling like they feared the train would leave without them or maybe they just wanted to flee from the cold. Everyone had huge suitcases and bags with them probably stuffed with christmas presents.

Maybe he should propose right after the holidays he thought. He had already bought the ring a few weeks ago. There was no need to be scared he knew that for sure. But for Hux it had to be perfect and that was the point.

How should he do it. When was the perfect moment and what was the perfect place? Should he wait until valentines day? No. He couldn’t wait any longer than necessary. He was an impatient person and he knew it. In the back oft hat taxi after that kiss he had known. Those two weeks would be horrible and he won’t go annother second longer without him.

Once they were married thing would become easier for them. Their parents would have to accept that they belonged and they would celebrate the holidays on their own in their own home. Not like this year…not at all…

 

*****

 

The train arrived and Kylo looked for his wagon. It was good for him that he was so tall and had a good view. First class compartment as every year, he thought. His mother would candidate next year. Good thing that the public knew nothing about him or else they would digg into his privacy like maggots in dead flesh. He had always hated the  attention. His sister Rey on the other hand loved taking pictures and giving interviews. Everybody thought Rey Charlotte Solo-Organa was a single child and that was perfectly fine.

Kylo found his seat and tried to make himself comfortable. He turned his iPod on full volume and closed his eyes. Maybe he could get some rest, but the only thing on his mind was Hux and everytime he started dreaming, he saw him lying on the grass smiling back at him.

Christmas, a holiday to share time with your loved ones. To forgive and forget all the bad that has happened during the year, but also a time where many people broke up with each other or got into fights. So strange.

Should he forgive his father and uncle? Could he an Rey finally find some peace? Would they finally acceopt the carrier he had choosen? Oh he really wished they could. If only Hux would’ve been there. He was good at talking and making conversations. But he was on his own once again, but also for the last time in his life and that was a happy thought.

 

 


	13. Kapitel Elf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know christmas is still four months away but oh well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm productive again. And really I need to finish this finally but with every chapter I write I feel that this story is not going to end very soon x.x 
> 
> Also the christmas traditions I describe in this chapter are the traditions we have in my household in Germany.  
> I know christmas in America is different but I like to stick to it, it kinda made me feel nostalgic...
> 
> xoxo Hanna

Leaving Kylo at the train station left him with a feeling of emptyness. He knew something was wrong and has been all week but Kylo was not ready to talk, maybe he’ll never be. Hux knew that feeling far too well. The best thing was probably to let Kylo have some privacy and maybe he’ll let Hux help when he was ready.

Hux turned around one last time to finally see Kylo walking towards his platform. He had to hurry up his train had already arrived and there were many people on the platform Hux had to push out of his way. He hated the body contact, being so close to strangers had always made him feel uncomfortable and hasn’t changed in all these years.

He grabbed his suitcase and held it close to his body like a shield. As he reached the already opened door a feeling of relieve filled his body. The conductor politely asked him for his ticket and showed him the way to his compartment.

It was empty to Hux surprise. Perfect. He pushed his suitcase on the rack, glad that it wasn’t as heavy. He shrugged his jacket off and put it on a hook next to his seat together with his scarf and gloves.

The train slowly started moving and it almost looked like the platform was moving. Outside many people still stood waving good bye or hugging each other. Hux felt a slight pain in his chest. It would take fourteen days until he could hold Kylo in his arms again. Not a terribly long time but still. Every thing felt so new and fresh an Hux really wished they could’ve spent the holidays together. Next year. Next year everything will be different, he thought.

Maybe their familys could set traditions aside and the two familys could celebrate together. He knew his father would be against it, his mother on the other hand would be as supporive as always. She’d be able to convince his father, if she couldn’t no one could. And she had already told Hux how much she wanted to finally meet Kylo.

His mother’d been crying that day he’d called her to tell her the exciting news. She had insisted that Kylo should come along but it was impossible. Only this year. Next year it will be completely different. He told himself once again, like a mantra and the only thing that kept him from leaving the train at the next station, trying to get back to his boyfriend.

He looked out of the window, but wasn’t able to see anything. Seemed like it’s gonna be a white christmas this year. He could imagine his younger cousins playing in the snow building a snow man. He can remember times where he played in the snow himself. His trousers used to get fully wet as well as his socks and his hair.

The best thing was the hot bath and hot chocolate, so he woun’t catch a cold. His mom was always worried for his health, and for Hux in general. But those times were over. Hux wasn’t a child anymore, he could take care of himself and now he even had Kylo to take care of him.

Funny how his thoughts always came back to Kylo…It’s been like this for a while now and Hux can’t remember the time when it wasn’t like this. He was so happy and in love that it almost hurt. Kylo has become a part of his life so easily and natural like they’ve been together forever. Now he could understand all these storys of soulmates and that special feeling you had around yours. He never believed in farytales but their connection felt like pure magic. And now, even now that he was alone in this compartment headed the completely opposite direction from Kylo, even now he could still feel his presence in the back of his mind.

It’s so nice, he thought, so nice to know that you’re never truly alone. He will never be alone…never again. That’s the last thought he could remember before he finally fell asleep.

 

*****

 

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times. His watch told him that he had one hour until his arrival. The sleep has been a much needed break from his thoughts but as soon as he was fully awake they started spinning again. He stood up and opened his suitcas just enough so he could grabb his book. He wanted to use the time he still had to finish it. It was nothing special just annother thriller had had picked up at the store before he’d left.

He could read those in one setting. They were light entertainment to him. Nothing compared to the scientific magazins he picked up from time to time. Other than him Kylo wasn’t as experimental with the literature of choice. He stuck to his art magazins and biographys of famous artists. Hux always tried to get him into reading but after the last four months of trying he’d finally given up. He’d decided to give Kylo some new acrylic paint from his favourite brand as a gift for christmas. It was useful and he was sure Kylo would like it.

They agreed of exchanging gifts once the both were reunited again after the holidays. Still Hux had managed to smuggle some dark Lind choclate into Kylos luggage. He was really proud of himself that Kylo hasn’t noticed it, hed find it once he unpacked at his parents house and maybe that little surprise would cheer him up.

Kylos winter depression was not easy to oversee, even though he seemed to try really hard. Maybe they should go on vacation somewhere in the sun. At first Hux had thought Kylo would be a winter lover but quite the contrary. Winters near the shore were always hard, that much he knew. It’s always windy there and around christmas it gets worse and worse. They had to deal with power breakdowns and days without warm water but Hux still loved it there and Kylo would learn to deal with it, he was sure.

He was so deep in thought that he just realised he’s been only staring on the paper in front of him. They would reach his hometown in no time and he decided it was time to pack and get dressed.

Outside the snow storm has gotten even worse and it was nearly impossible to make out people on the plattform, only silhouettes. When he exited the train, the cold air made it nearly impossible to breathe and he could swear he felt the hair in his nose beginning to freeze.

He knew his parents waited outside the trainstation in their car. The white Mercedes GL 63 AMG was nearly invisible in this storm. His dad opened the door and grabbed Hux suitcase for him. Brendol gave his son a firm hug and Hux seated himself behind the drivers seat. His mother looked as good as always, her long red curls nearly reached her hips now and her rosy cheeks and sparkling blue eyes made her look ten years younger. She turned around to press a light kiss on Huxs cheeks. His father came back his coat sprinkled with snowflakes.

It was only a fifteen minute drive from the train station to their poperty. The streets were empty no wonder. Hux made a mental note to call Kylo after dinner to make sure his boyfriend had arrived safely. The weather report on the radio said that the storm was all over the country and Hux knew Kylo’s had a way longer journey than him.

From the drive he could already see all the christmas decorations around the house. Decorating has always been his mothers hobby and on christmas no spot was left without little figurines or fary lights. His dad only rolled his eyes, for his taste it was too much but he never had the heart to tell his wife.

From the front door Hux was met with the smell of cinnamon, freshly backed cookies and something else that just smelled like home. Even after one year everything in this house still looked the same and it was to know that he’d always feel at home in his parents house.

He stepped up the stairs to his old room. Hux wanted to qickly unpack his stuff so he could finally grab something to eat. In his room everything was like remebered it. His parents never came aound renovating it. Still the old star-wallpaper and bookshelves full of his old treassures. On the wall some pictures of him, Phasma and Poe in their school-uniform. God they’ve been so young. Even his old teddy bear still sat on his usual spot on the old worn out leather couch.

Hux heard his mother yelling from downstairs that dinner was ready. Hux couldn’t hold back a smile, just like the good old days he thought and went downstairs.

 

*****

 

In the dining room his father had already placed their christmas tree. It wasn’t decorated yet. It was a tradition in their house to decorate at the 24th in the morning. Of course the younger cousins were not allowed in the dining room until after church. So the adults decorate the tree and place the presents underneath it while the children were outside playing in the snow or listening to one of grandmas fantastic christmas storys.

In the middle oft he dining table the Advent wreath stood and all four red candles were burning. Hux took his seat next to his fathers and they waited patiently until mother entered the room with a tablet full of delicous looking goods.

They chatted all evening about Huxs book store and Brendols work and how time was flying by and the wished he could visit more often. That’s when Miranda, Hux mom, finally came to the most exciting topic: Hux new boyfriend. She wanted to know every sittle detail and Hux knew very well she wouldn’t stop until she was fully satisfied. Brendol only rolled his eyes and stood up to grabb his old wooden pipe. That’s when Hux remembered he’d wanted to call Kylo and excused himself from the table.

He looked at his smartphone and was glad there were no missed calls yet. He seached through his contacts and found the right number imidiately. He kept his fingers crossed that Kylos mother or father wouldn’t answer the call. His heart was racing and he could feel his hands getting wet. He hated phone calls it gave him anxiety.

It’s been a full minute now and he decided to hang up when he heard an unfamiliar voice at the end oft he line. Hux was to shocked to talk at first but then he managed to find his voice again.

‚This is Hux--Armitage Hux--I’m a friend of Kylo…I just wanted to make sure he arrived safely…‘

‚Oh--It’s Luke I’m Kylo’s uncle. Kylo’s not home yet…seems like there are some complications--The weather you know? I’ll tell him you called--Armitage?‘

‚Y--Yes…thank you.‘

Hux stared at his phone for a few minutes. It’s nothing probably he told himself. Just some delay… just the weather. He would’ve noticed if Kylo was in trouble wouldn’t he? He’d know for sure…Kylo would call him back later and everything would be alright.

But somehow Hux didn’t really believe it. Deep down he knew something was wrong…very wrong…


End file.
